Calming a contagion in the classroom

Today I was listening to the Unlocking Us podcast by Brené Brown about day-to-day anxiety and over/under-functioning. Something she said early on in this podcast really struck a chord for me from a teaching perspective, anxiety is one of the most contagious of all emotions.

Let that sink in for a moment, anxiety is one of the most contagious of all emotions.

How does this show up in a classroom setting? Here are a couple of possible situations that might feel familiar:

1.      You are being appraised and feeling anxious; you have planned for everything, ensured your students are aware of expectations and have done everything you can think of to prepare (more than you would for a normal lesson) but you are still anxious because you are being watched and you want it to be successful. And then the lesson falls way short of what you planned, you feel it was a disaster, the students didn’t respond as you expected and you are devastated.

2.      At lunchtime there was an altercation in the playground and one of your students was involved, they are anxious about how the rest of the class will react and you are mindful of this anxiety. They walk in the door and you can almost smell the anxiety so you become hyper-vigilant and that raises their anxiety and the rest of the class seem more anxious… it is a tense afternoon.

3.      One of your colleagues is under a bit of stress and anxious as end of term is coming. After lunchtime in the staffroom with them you feel anxious and don’t really know why but you take that into the classroom with you and have a bit of a miserable afternoon. You were feeling fine about getting everything done earlier on but now you are worried.

I am sure you can think of other situations that might be relevant too. If we go back to the idea of the Magic Brain, when we are anxious we are in the glitter room and that means we can’t think as effectively because our anxiety is in charge of our thinking. As teachers, part of our job is to create an environment where learning can occur and that means reducing anxiety where we can, doesn’t it? When I think about all of this, the quote from Haim G. Ginott comes to mind:

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather…”

That’s a lot of pressure though eh? How can we be responsible for the feelings of others? The way I see it is that we can’t assume responsibility for other’s feelings but we might be able to influence the dynamic and calm the anxiety contagion if we are aware, and that does start with us.

Firstly, we need to notice and name our own emotions and behaviours. In this podcast Brené talks about over-functioning and under-functioning. I know for me I go into over-functioning as a response to anxiety; I get busy, try to fix things, organise stuff and keep everything under control, I like to look like I’ve got it all together and don’t need help. Under-functioning is the opposite. Neither of these approaches is really helpful, especially if we want to avoid creating an anxious learning environment!

Once we recognise our behaviours we can notice when they are flaring and press pause. I love practicing the pause! Pause enough to notice what is happening inside us and then shift gear so we can respond intelligently to what is happening around us. This is the time for the superpower of calm to come to the fore. In the face of emotional anxiety if we can stop, breathe, think then do we have a great opportunity to stop the spread. Let’s take the situations above and add in a dose of calm:

1.      The appraisal: take some deep cleansing breaths before you speak or start the lesson. Prior to the appraisal it may be appropriate to share your feelings openly “I am feeling anxious about this appraisal and just need you to know that”, you may even ask for help with it. Last year I was going to the dentist for the first time in a long time (I have a fear of dentists) and so I talked to my class of 7 and 8 year olds about my fear in the morning and explained that I was feeling anxious. I asked them for their help; they were kind and gracious with me, they also gave me great advice (some of it was my own words coming back to me). The thing was it calmed my anxious mind during that day so I could be more present for them as their teacher. (By the way, the trip to the dentist wasn't as painful or scary as I had imagined… anxiety often thrives in an uncertain future.)

2.      Anxious student: this is a situation where the power of breath is going to be really helpful. Taking a breath before you come into the classroom and staying present is going to help everyone, yes you need to be mindful of the emotional state of your learners, but it is about not joining in their storm. It might be time for a quiet coaching conversation where you can help them unpack their reality before engaging with the class. I now teach my students about the superpowers of breath and stillness daily, we are practising the skills of calmness, and I love it when they coach each other or myself in using our superpowers- this helps when we are faced with situations like this.

3.      Anxious colleague: I like to think that most of us in education are reasonably compassionate people, we care about others and want to help them. In this situation joining in on the stress doesn’t really help anyone e.g. “I wish that the government, school management, parents understood how hard it is, something should be done etc etc etc”. All this does is reinforce powerlessness and makes us feel worse. Instead we can lovingly investigate what’s happening for our colleague if they want to talk about it, we can listen with empathy and understanding, we can care but we don’t have to wear the emotion. And before we return to our classroom or office we need to take some deep cleansing breaths, perhaps orient ourselves to what we love about our work or focus on what our goals are for the afternoon and go there with some positive energy.

The fabulous thing about practicing our calm is that the more we do it the easier it becomes. I know several people who I admire hugely because of their calm, they are my role models and when I get flooded by emotion and feel like I am racing towards thoughtless reaction I picture them and it helps me pause. It is becoming easier. When we use our superpower of calm we can think more clearly, we can respond intelligently, we become more like ourselves I think. And this means that we can be the best version of ourselves in that moment as a teacher or leader.   

[for more links, inspiration and ideas for the classroom please follow my FB page:https://www.facebook.com/teachingwithheartandbraininmind/)

On becoming curious in the classroom

It's been a long time since I last wrote, the excuse is that I am doing my masters research this year and any time I go to write something that isn't related to my research I feel guilty! Crazy huh?! But today I am putting my guilt to one side so I can share a wee thought that has been rattling around in my brain for a little while now.

A few months ago I read a headline for an article on behaviour management called Be Curious Not Furious and it was a great read and supported a lot of the stress and brain development material I have spoken about previously. But it also sparked another thought and this was about the power of curiosity in my wider teaching practice.

Curiosity for me as a teacher means not constantly anticipating and predicting children's responses, losing the predetermined nature that can sometimes feature in classrooms especially when our planning is too tight, too rigid. It means letting go of the tension built from trying to squeeze every last educational drop out of every minute for every learner in your room. It also means getting comfortable with doing less so you can see and learn more as a teacher. I see it as mindfulness embedded in teaching practice.

You cannot be curious and rushing at the same time, you cannot be curious and furious at the same time, you cannot be curious and absent minded or otherwise occupied at the same time. To be fully curious you have to be present, immersed and engaged in what you are doing.

When I am teaching from a place of curiosity I see more, I hear more and I understand more about my learners, their strengths and needs. When I am teaching from a place of curiosity I am also a lot more attuned to my own intuition and make better use of the time I have. When I am teaching from a place of curiosity I walk alongside my learners and we delve deeper into the learning opportunity happening at the time. And the funny thing is when I teach from a place of curiosity I achieve more as a teacher, my time is better spent and I give more to the learners that I am working with than I ever do when I am rushing, pushing, trying to do more and be more.

Curiosity is intense. It is not for the faint-hearted. It means that you are using all of your senses to teach and learn from. It takes practice and energy. And I am still learning, still working on avoiding distractions, making sure I give myself permission to continue to be curious more often. It makes a difference in so many ways.  

Let's not be so hasty to let the old year pass

A new year is coming up fast and it is a time that many look to as a fresh start and a time to make resolutions for the coming twelve months. As the song says "fast away the old year passes". 

Before you cast the old year aside though can I suggest that you take some time to first count your blessings... and if you have had a tough year, and I know a few people who have,  I am thinking that you are reading this post and have access to the internet in some way so you might just have a couple of things to be grateful for as a starter. 

Consider this: 

Found in several places but this one I sourced from:
http://www.speakupforchange.ca/why-you-are-so-lucky/

The main reason why I suggest you count your blessings first is that you will be much less likely to toss out the really good stuff you already have as you focus on the next big thing you want to be, do or have in your life. 

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to do a gratitude audit for the last 12 months or so:  

• Have I been of service to others at some stage? 
• Have I taken care of myself in some way? 
• Have I achieved anything significant for me? 
• Have I used my skills and talents in some way? (and before you say I don't have any, I believe we all do, just some of us don't recognise them yet) 
• Have I learnt something new? 
• Have I fostered positive relationships with some of the people around me? 
• Have I had any fun times? What were they? 
• Have I had any adventures? 
• Have I overcome any challenges? 
• Have I had opportunities to celebrate the success of others? 

I hope that you have come up with a few things to be grateful for and identified some of the great things about your life that you want to keep. Too often we forget to celebrate the good as it happens and taking some time to reflect with our minds and hearts tuned to gratitude can make a big difference to our whole well being. I hope that you spend more time focused on gratitude going forward so you get to experience the joy that it brings. 

This approach also helps you work out what it is that you really do want in your life. 

Ask yourself: 

• Do you want more of the same? Great stuff- keep adding to your gratitude list and stay focused on creating more of the same. 
• Who are the people that you care about and love? If you are able to, how will you stay connected with them? 
• Is there something you want to change? If so why do you want to do that? What will it look like if you make that change? (it is important to have a clear vision of the end point you are aiming for) 
• Do you want to learn something new? 
• How will you use your skills and talents this year? 
• How will you be of service to others? 
• Is there a way you could contribute to your community this year? 
• What adventures would you love to have? 
• How will you create positive relationships with those around you? 
• Do you want to stretch yourself? If so, in what way and why? 
• How will you ensure that you are as healthy as you can be? 

Once you know what you want things to look like and you know why you want to go there then you can work how you will get there and take the first step to seeing your vision coming alive. 

And the crazy thing is that you don't have to wait for a new year to focus on the good you already have or the path you want to take going forward... you can do this anytime and anywhere! The birds do not start singing a new song just because it is the first of the year nor do the mountains shift that day so feel gratitude now and dream as well. 

A personal story to illustrate: 

Last year I made some pretty clear goals going forward in about October. I had an ultimatum put to me that forced me to make a choice (much of my thinking was centred around the vision of the future I had been fostering for a little while prior to this to be fair). The things I wanted for the new adventure that I was to take were: 

• Most importantly it was to have more time with my family and enjoy doing some things around our home- I have loved spending time with our little man this year, we have gone to playcentre together and had a lot of fun. It has also been great to remodel our kitchen using recycled materials and make it a much more useful space for preparing our food 
• Take 3 months off to get my body back in balance and just enjoy a slower pace of life (I had saved up my annual leave for some time to enable me to do this)- it was great and gave me clear headspace to start blogging and do some study for fun as well as walk daily and go swimming and enjoy our kiwi summer with my family 
• Start my own business- yup, done that and have had some great opportunities to explore and play with using my skills in different settings including public speaking, writing resources for schools, and also doing adult workplace assessments
• Growing my own vegetables- we started that this season and it has been fabulous, to those of you who follow this blog you will have already read about this new passion of mine... and I am loving enjoying the fruits of our labours immensely! 
• Teach an average of two days week- this has happened in the last half of this year and I have really enjoyed teaching students from 5-17 years old, next year I will be teaching 2 days a week in a job share role which is fantastic
• Have my own chickens so we can eat our own eggs- we are on the way there, I got a little put off the idea by the fact that some people found chickens to be rather vicious with each other but have done some more research and we have plans to build our coop in the coming month or so... and the chickens will be a late Christmas gift once we get the coop ready for them
• I have always wanted to write despite feeling a little inadequate as a writer- I have had opportunities to play and learn (this blog is one way) and am learning more about this at the moment as I explore another project, it is exciting 

It hasn't always been easy, there are always ups and downs and I have had to take a few risks, but that strong vision of what I was hoping things would look like has helped me get back on course when the chips have been down. I also spoke with other people about this vision so they were able to support me and at times hold me accountable if needed. I am hugely grateful for the opportunities that I have had so far and the dreams that have been fulfilled as well as those that are ongoing and the dreams to come! 

I hope that your dreams come true in the best ways too. 

And while you are at it ALWAYS remember you are incredibly powerful because you do have choices... 

  

Are you being a human being right now?

Are you a human being? Of course you are in scientific terms but let's think a little wider.

What else might you be if you are not being a human being? 

Well you could be a human doing or a human been. 

A human doing is busy. They are always thinking about 'stuff''. They may be worrying about things. Committed human doings are likely to be perfectionists and/or procrastinators. They are likely to say yes even when they aren't sure they have the time or energy to add another thing to the list. They avoid silence, there is always something happening. 

Some of this may come from people pleasing, some of it could be a way of avoiding facing ourselves, some of it might just be habit. 

A human been spends time living in the past. They worry over old regrets. They may relive past events in their minds and hold on to old hurts. They are afraid to step out of their comfort zone because they may have failed in the past. 

Some of this may come from being hurt, some of it could be to avoid taking risks, some of it might be because they want to resolve something from their past. 

A human being is focused on what is happening here and now. They notice the taste of their food, what they see and feel. They appreciate that what is happening right now will pass. This does not mean that they are living in a perpetual bliss with every moment wonderful but that they are aware of themselves in the moments as they move through life. 

This for me is where mindfulness resides and there is a whole lot of good news about practicing mindfulness for mental, social, emotional and physical health.  

Many spiritual masters and mindfulness experts talk about human being/doing dynamics. I have a feeling for most of us we are a little of the three types mentioned above at different times. It is useful to raise our awareness though and know what type of human we are in different circumstances so we can balance ourselves better, improve our sense of empowerment and even improve our relationships with others.

At the moment I am in a human doing zone... there is a lot happening and at times it has been threatening to overwhelm me. In the midst of this chaos (and trust me it has felt a little chaotic) I have created moments of clarity and simplicity which have helped me cope. This morning for example I put my little boy who has been unwell this week in the pushchair and took the dogs for a walk. It was a gorgeous spring morning here and we stopped to talk to a couple of older ladies who patted the dogs, looked closely at a train (the way that some of the machinery is visible is quite neat so we were able to look at springs and pistons etc), noticed the stunning blossom on a weeping cherry tree and enjoyed going down hills fast and over the bumpy gravel. This hour out of a busy and tiring time was the best medicine ever and that is because I left the house as a human being not a human been or human doing... it could just have easily been doing another thing to cross off my to do list or a time where I allowed my mind to wander to worrying over problems from the past or what else I needed to get done. The frame of mind I chose did not change what I did but it made a significant difference in how I felt and what I gained from the time spent. 

It has taken me a long time to understand that it is OK to switch off from our mind chatter, the world will not stop if we do. I am so grateful for this awareness, it is empowering. We cannot always choose the circumstances we are presented with but we can sometimes choose the type of human that we are in those circumstances.  

To help get started just every so often check in with yourself and ask what sort of human am I right now? And then check that the choice you have made is working for you. 

Why we need space for mindfulness in our schools

A friend recently shared a news report about a school community debating the teaching of mindfulness in the school, some thought it was a great idea whilst others did not want it shared with their children.

It was a fascinating piece to read.

I think perhaps there was a little of the fear of the unknown playing in the minds of some so perhaps there was room for further explanation and sharing of research to support the adopting of the practice. Who knows and it's not my place to be debating the rights and wrongs of that particular school issue but it did get me thinking about mindfulness in our schools and if there is a place.

Photo sourced from:
 http://sustainable.org.nz/sustainable-business-news/your-mind-at-work-is-mindfulness-good-for-business#.VCk1ifmSwyk

For me mindfulness is about being aware of our own thinking and bringing ourselves into the present moment so we can fully engage in what is happening right now rather than worrying over what has happened or might happen.

I am no expert in the field at all but I thought I would share some ideas that I have from my perspective as a parent and teacher. I have been thinking about why mindfulness is an important habit for our children to learn and then about how we could create opportunities for developing and practicing mindfulness in our busy school days.

Why focus on mindfulness in our schools? 

If our children are able to calm their minds and be 'in the moment' as it were then I see that it could lead to some positive outcomes such as:

• better stress management
• students could be better able to identify where they are having a difficulty and generate possible solutions or seek help in a timely fashion 
• improved concentration through avoiding distractions 
• encouraging better self management enabling students to respond rather than react to conflict or negative situations 
• more harmonious playground activity 
• enabling the teachers to concentrate on learning opportunities rather than behaviour management in the classroom meaning everyone gets a better deal

And the potential good news is not only for our children, their mental wellbeing and their learning... it has the potential to help teachers too! If we practice mindfulness with our students we could enhance our own health and wellbeing at the same time as creating a healthier, more harmonious working environment for our students, colleagues and families. There is a lot of evidence to support mental health benefits for adults with mindfulness. 

It is great to see some research being done in the field of mindfulness in education to support the practice and offer a road map for future progress in schools. Check out this link for one useful paper about the process written by Grant Rix  from NZ Mental Health Foundation with a focus on the NZ context. 

How to encourage mindfulness in our schools? 

There are a whole range of techniques that I believe could be used to enhance mindfulness, many of which are about calming down the chatter inside our minds. 

Here are a few that I have used in my own classrooms or for my own wellbeing, some of these may work better than others and I would be interested in your feedback: 

• breathing techniques- deep diaphragmatic breaths to calm the mind. I have used this with children who have anger control issues... when something happens and you feel angry before you do anything else move away and do 10 deep breaths where you focus on breathing in and out slowly then come and see someone. For more about breathing click here 
• relaxation- a mentor from my teachers college days took us through a muscle relaxation exercise which I know still helps me to relax my body and mind at times. Basically you lie on your back and systematically tense different parts of your body then release them starting from your toes and working your way up the body (so you scrunch your toes up tight and then release, do this two or three times then move into tensing up your feet and up the body). The focus is on feeling the tension release when you let go. 
• visualisation- when I have dozens of things spinning around in my head I sometimes need to stop, accept them then let them go and I have found visualisation really helpful. There are several that I use and have used with children as well, here are a couple. Imagine you have walked through a forest and you come to a deep clear pool in a clearing, it is warm and safe, around the pool are big round stones, as you pick each one up imagine something that is worrying you and write it on the stone, then let the stone drop into the water, watch it float to the bottom, you can pick that worry up any time you want but for now it can stay there. Another one is walking down a hallway with lots of doors and putting my worries or concerns into each door and shutting it before going through the end door where the room is empty. There is also the balloon idea, which can be done physically as well as in your mind, imagine blowing up a balloon, each breath you put in something that is worrying you, when it is full, tie it off and let it go, watch it float up into the air and away. 
• being grateful- I know that this seems to be creating more to think about but every so often, stopping and working out what I am grateful for right now helps to even things out and bring me back to reality when I am getting bogged down with negative thoughts.  
• having down time- if we are always moving from thing to thing to thing without finishing something off or having down time then there is no space for mindfulness... and it is stressful for our learners. We need to be able to wrap something up before shifting to the next thing. I do think that integrated learning helps create flow and seemlessness which makes the shifts and changes throughout the day more organic. I also think summarising our learning, reflecting on it if possible, before we move on can help create that space as well. 
• juggling- giving your brain a repetitive task that takes your focus and attention to complete helps to quieten the extraneous noise as well. I taught one class to juggle at the start of the year and they did really well, it was amazing how focused some students became. It works with other tasks like knitting. I found earlier this year making a pom pom with my little boy incredibly calming. It is about being present with that task however, rather than multitasking... in fact it can be an opportunity to practice letting thoughts come and go whilst staying focused on the task at hand. 
• yoga- in one class we would do 10 minutes of yoga every school morning before getting into
  
  maths, I used a children's book of yoga positions (Isabelle Koch- like a fish in water) and we would do 4 or 5 positions most days sometimes with music sometimes without. It was amazing the calmness that would descend over our classroom, for myself and the class. The focus was on breathing and moving slowly.  
• focus on our senses- mindful eating is one suggestion that comes up often, it is focusing on the whole experience of eating our food, smell, see, taste and even touch. When you go for a walk outside focusing on what you can see that you might not have seen before or what you can see, hear, smell right now can be helpful, it is all about bringing your attention to what is happening in the here and now. It amazes me with what my little boy notices when we are out and about that I haven't spotted. 

As an aside: I do wonder if when we start 'educating' children that we inadvertently unlearn their natural sense of mindfulness, if perhaps we create more internal 'chatter' or bring in more distractions (think about our classroom spaces for example, are they visually noisy?). Do we often demand that they focus on what we are wanting them to right now when they are actually fully engaged in something else? Might it be best for our children to adopt a mindful pace? This education isn't only what happens in classrooms either.

There is much to consider. I guess in my way of thinking I wish this wasn't something I had needed to learn (or perhaps relearn) as an adult and perhaps having opportunities for our children to practice mindfulness in our schools will help us all.

Links:

• http://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/newsletters/view/article/27/407/2012/ 
• http://teach-learn-lead.blogspot.com/2014/05/sing-your-song.html
• http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/like-a-fish-in-water-isabelle-koch/1112144111?ean=9780892817733
• http://teach-learn-lead.blogspot.com/2014/08/stimulating-or-visually-noisy-does-what.html

Spending time... are you investing it well?

I love that phrase 'spending time'. It makes so much sense (or cents!) How often do we stop our constant doing-ness to consider if we are spending our time well? I know I don't do it often enough, however it occurred to me this evening that I really need to stop and think about it seriously.

Today I went out to work on a neat wee project, doing some filming with some folks I used to do some work for. It was a fun day out and I was lucky that my mum was able to look after our little boy. This evening I had to attend a meeting and my little boy was less than impressed that mummy was leaving again. The meeting was not particularly pleasant to be honest and as I drove home I started asking myself some big questions, the biggest being, was that a good use of my time?

I am lucky, there are many opportunities I am exposed to and I want to say YES to them all. However if I do that I find that I am actually unable to do them all justice and something suffers, usually my own wellbeing... this is an old treadmill I have been on and not an experience I wish to repeat yet again. So tonight as I was driving I did some maths, I am sure that many others have done this before me and probably far more eloquently but just in case here is some of my thinking.

There are 1440 minutes in a day. Now lawyers and accountants (and other businesses too I am sure) charge out their time in blocks of minutes. Imagine if in our lives every minute was worth $100. (please note: I chose a round number because maths isn't a strength of mine and it's a big lot of money because I think it helps to demonstrate a significant 'value' for our time) That's a lot of money in itself really but wait.... at that rate our time is worth $6000 per hour or $144 000 per day... wow, that is a whole lot of money. What would you do if you have $144 000 to spend?

If I had $144 000 to spend I would want to give some to my family, use it to help others, do what I could to be healthy and invest in my learning probably. Those things are important to me, so they'd be top of the list anyway. The disconnect comes when I look at how I have spent a day and I have not addressed those things in the measures I would like and worse still when I feel that the time I have had has been poorly used, taken for granted or wasted. Tonight for a short time I felt really angry but then I needed to think about what I was giving up to feel angry (see my post about being as big as you dare to be for more information about this type of mindfulness) and I also started to equate it to a dollar amount.

For every minute spent angry that is $100 worth of time gone that could have been spent with my family or in my learning or helping others. And if I spend half a day angry then I have wasted $77 000 worth of my time that could have been better spent on other things including investing wisely in my own health.
The same applies for screen time. Entertainment is great for our health, but it is all about balance and I know TV and other technologies are easy time thieves.

You see I just don't spend money like that, I am more conscious of what I do with my money, but I do let time slip through my fingers and wonder where another day has gone. I know it's normal that there will be days like that at times but I wonder what would happen if we were more aware and thought about where we are investing our time and whether we are really investing in our goals and the important things/people in our lives.

Letting go to keep moving ahead

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing the monkey bars...
you have to let go at some point in order to move forward. C.S. Lewis

I like this analogy, I like it a lot. If we hold on too long then we might fall off altogether but we do have a choice!

Life is full of ups and downs, to be fair some people have had more than their fair share of disappointments. I have met a few people in recent months who have gone through significant change in their lives and the thing that comes through so strongly is the power that our attitude has on our ability to make peace with our circumstances (current or past!).

I remember hearing Robyn Moore speaking a long time ago about gratitude and forgiveness, how the act of gratitude helps us let go and move forward. During the session she got us to think of a past hurt and the people who were connected with it and then suggested that we think about what we can be grateful to those people for. At the time I struggled with this. She talked about the ability in that moment of gratitude for us to find forgiveness so we could move forward. It wasn't until a number of years had passed that this really made sense to me. Like a lot of folk I had had a bad relationship and it ended in hurt. I had moved on largely but it wasn't until one day driving in incredibly icy conditions where I really understood what Robyn was talking about. As I came to a steep downhill section, I was extremely nervous, the road ahead was treacherous... and at that moment it occurred to me to use engine breaking which my ex-partner had taught me. When I had navigated the worst of it for some reason the words of Robyn came back and it all made sense. I felt lighter, I felt really free.

There is a wise old saying that goes something like this, holding onto anger is like holding a hot coal and expecting the other person/people to get burnt. All is does is hurt us, it uses our energy, it has the capacity to sap our joy... all while the other party is usually quite unaware that any hurt or anger remains. I can't say that I have mastered this but the awareness I now have has helped hugely with more recent disappointments and given me a strategy to manage the ups and downs. Developing an attitude of gratitude is worth the effort.

I guess this also about owning our feelings rather than allowing your emotions to be dictated by others- we are not puppets and whilst we may not be responsible for the circumstances we find ourselves in, we do have power over our own emotions. This does not mean we will not feel anger or hurt or disappointment, of course we will and rightly so, but if we stay angry or hurt or disappointed then we need to look at ourselves and ask if we are hanging on to a monkey bar or hot coal that is no longer serving us. If we are holding on to those negative emotions we are potentially causing ourselves deeper hurt, greater pain.

We deserve every joy that life offers us and too often miss it when our hearts and minds are cluttered with unresolved anger. So, in thinking about this, who or what in your life could you from something to be grateful for so you can keep on swinging ahead in your life?

Image sourced: http://www.barbarabutler.com/glossary.php?doc_id=1104936268&section=climbing

Change = living fully rather than merely existing?

It is said that the only constant in life is change and if you think about nature this rings true... everything changes. We have tides, seasons, rocks are ground down over time to become sand, water can become ice, all animals are born and age, and some things like our butterflies go through dramatic transformations in their life time.

So why do some of us attach such negativity to the concept of change? Well I think it is fear... fear of losing what we have, fear of uncomfortable feelings, fear of vulnerability and fear of the unknown. What are we allowing fear to hold us back from?

As I have already said change is part of life. This image represents that well. When there are ups and downs that is a good thing because it means that the heart is beating and the patient is alive. When there are no ups and downs then that is bad news because the heart is no longer beating.

If we avoid change to protect ourselves from feeling vulnerable and experiencing emotions like sadness, disappointment, fear or embarrassment then we are often denying ourselves the opportunity to feel truly joyful, and also to feel a fulfilled sense of calm and peacefulness. In that situation we are flatlining, we are not truly living, in some ways we are merely existing. God willing we have more ups than downs but I think we need to embrace them as part of a healthy, fulfilled life.

Life is meant to be lived and lived boldly. If you embrace change, how might that turn out for you? Could we have fear? Absolutely. Might things go wrong? Probably, at times. Will you have days where you wish you could just crawl into a corner and forget about the world and everything in it for a little while? I imagine so. Could you have opportunities to feel great joy? I'm pretty sure you will. Will you feel stronger, braver, more able to deal with what life throws at you? I would argue that seeing change as part of the lived experience enables us to cope better when things go wrong, it is for me, an important part of my resiliency toolbox.

I sincerely believe our hearts have capacity for a huge amount of joy but often the fear of change sets in and we start catastrophising (is that a real word? I think so!), imagining ourselves losing the source of this feeling, questioning whether we deserve it or not, waiting for something to go wrong. I also think that often we go into the negative thought spiral out of habit, voices from our past experience that we have given brain space to and have made strong pathways in there come in to play. I think our brain does it to protect us from pain or disappointment but in reality what is happening is that we let the negativity of our past steal the joy of our present. And if we remain unaware it will continue to happen. This is where mindfulness can be a real asset.

I guess that mindfulness is kind of like knowing that we are living an internal journey in an external world rather than ignoring the internal world and being at the whim of the shifts and changes that happen in the external environment. Perhaps we embrace change by realising that the only really important changes are the ones that happen in our own minds?

Feeling genuine joy is a risk because something might go wrong but if we focus on what might go wrong (and might is an important word because we don't know it will for certain) then we feel a fraction of the joy we could have. The same applies for the peace, love, happiness in any given moment. If we can free ourselves from the chains of fear, embrace that life is full of change and wholeheartedly enjoy the good when we have it, fully in the moment, then we are so much more likely to enjoy this wonderful adventure called life!


Images sourced from:
Caterpillar quote: https://www.etsy.com/listing/73406580/just-when-the-caterpillar-thought-the
Heart Rate monitor: http://www.redflagnews.com/headlines/ponzi-101-obamacare-bailout-planned-for-insurance-companies
Joy quote: http://www.jessicalynette.com/tag/quotes/ 

Bravo to the brain

A little celebration  

It's been a few days since I last posted, instead of writing I have been reading! One of the books I have read recently is called In Search of my Father by Dr Helena Popovic, if you are interested in appreciating your brain, keeping it young and wanting an easy read then I'd recommend reading this. So the beauty of the human brain is my inspiration for today's post.

Our brain is about 2% of of our body weight and yet uses about 20% of the energy we consume. Food+Oxygen=Energy so what we breathe and eat is important to the brain. There are numerous experts and much research that supports dietary effects on the brain. As a classroom teacher it was obvious that for some of my little ones not having breakfast was making things harder than they needed to be so I used to have some peanut butter sandwiches available for a couple of them in the mornings just in case and it made an observable difference for their learning (obviously we had no peanut allergies in my class at the time!). Trying to think hard on an empty or poorly fed stomach is a little like pushing an empty car along the highway, sure you can get there eventually but it is going to take you a lot longer and be a whole lot harder than it needs to be.

Now, we are born with about 100 billion brain cells and over our life time they make trillions and trillions of connections. Every new experience is more connections... every time we learn something, every time we feel something there are more connections. More connections are made in our earlier years than at any other particular time in our lifespan which is why there is so much emphasis on the power of early childhood experience, bonding with significant adults and having a positive start to life.

For us older folk one great thing about the brain is this wonderful thing called plasticity- it means that the brain is changeable. In fact it continues to change and make new connections throughout our lives. Despite early childhood experiences or disasterous school records our brains are capable of change and developing new ways of thinking. We are not only a product of our past, we are also a product of every thought we have, every interpersonal connection we have and everything we do.

It is said that 5% of our brain is our conscious mind which means that the other 95% is subconscious. This is one reason why sticking to goals can be a challenge for some of us. As Cath Vincent says, if the subconscious doesn't agree with what our conscious mind has decided then it will hijack our conscious plans. A classic example is my planning to skydive to celebrate my 33rd birthday. I am a little afraid of heights (well more of the stop at the bottom to be fair, but you know what I mean) so thought this would be a real challenge and on completion a great self esteem booster (provided I survived the landing of course!). However I never booked a ticket and then got pneumonia so decided that was the universe telling me not to go there... on reflection however I am pretty sure my subconscious was adamant that we weren't throwing it out of any plane therefore the rest of me would be grounded as well. So how do we deal with this if it is something we really want to do or value? I guess awareness is a good place to start and then, as Cath suggests, making small changes to convince that subconscious that what our conscious has planned is actually not a bad idea after all.

There is so much we can do to help our brain perform at it's peak, and some of this I have talked about in previous posts (Bouncing Back, Filling Up Tanks). A rule of thumb is if something is helpful for the body, most of the time it will be helpful for the brain. There are a plethora of websites and youtube videos celebrating the brain, if you are curious (and that is a great way to be) I suggest that you do a bit of surfing and have fun learning about your brilliant brain :)

Curiosity is one of the most permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.

Samuel Johnson

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/curiosity.html#bGvjQP1FoxOk0poW.99