Let's not be so hasty to let the old year pass

A new year is coming up fast and it is a time that many look to as a fresh start and a time to make resolutions for the coming twelve months. As the song says "fast away the old year passes". 

Before you cast the old year aside though can I suggest that you take some time to first count your blessings... and if you have had a tough year, and I know a few people who have,  I am thinking that you are reading this post and have access to the internet in some way so you might just have a couple of things to be grateful for as a starter. 

Consider this: 

Found in several places but this one I sourced from:
http://www.speakupforchange.ca/why-you-are-so-lucky/

The main reason why I suggest you count your blessings first is that you will be much less likely to toss out the really good stuff you already have as you focus on the next big thing you want to be, do or have in your life. 

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to do a gratitude audit for the last 12 months or so:  

• Have I been of service to others at some stage? 
• Have I taken care of myself in some way? 
• Have I achieved anything significant for me? 
• Have I used my skills and talents in some way? (and before you say I don't have any, I believe we all do, just some of us don't recognise them yet) 
• Have I learnt something new? 
• Have I fostered positive relationships with some of the people around me? 
• Have I had any fun times? What were they? 
• Have I had any adventures? 
• Have I overcome any challenges? 
• Have I had opportunities to celebrate the success of others? 

I hope that you have come up with a few things to be grateful for and identified some of the great things about your life that you want to keep. Too often we forget to celebrate the good as it happens and taking some time to reflect with our minds and hearts tuned to gratitude can make a big difference to our whole well being. I hope that you spend more time focused on gratitude going forward so you get to experience the joy that it brings. 

This approach also helps you work out what it is that you really do want in your life. 

Ask yourself: 

• Do you want more of the same? Great stuff- keep adding to your gratitude list and stay focused on creating more of the same. 
• Who are the people that you care about and love? If you are able to, how will you stay connected with them? 
• Is there something you want to change? If so why do you want to do that? What will it look like if you make that change? (it is important to have a clear vision of the end point you are aiming for) 
• Do you want to learn something new? 
• How will you use your skills and talents this year? 
• How will you be of service to others? 
• Is there a way you could contribute to your community this year? 
• What adventures would you love to have? 
• How will you create positive relationships with those around you? 
• Do you want to stretch yourself? If so, in what way and why? 
• How will you ensure that you are as healthy as you can be? 

Once you know what you want things to look like and you know why you want to go there then you can work how you will get there and take the first step to seeing your vision coming alive. 

And the crazy thing is that you don't have to wait for a new year to focus on the good you already have or the path you want to take going forward... you can do this anytime and anywhere! The birds do not start singing a new song just because it is the first of the year nor do the mountains shift that day so feel gratitude now and dream as well. 

A personal story to illustrate: 

Last year I made some pretty clear goals going forward in about October. I had an ultimatum put to me that forced me to make a choice (much of my thinking was centred around the vision of the future I had been fostering for a little while prior to this to be fair). The things I wanted for the new adventure that I was to take were: 

• Most importantly it was to have more time with my family and enjoy doing some things around our home- I have loved spending time with our little man this year, we have gone to playcentre together and had a lot of fun. It has also been great to remodel our kitchen using recycled materials and make it a much more useful space for preparing our food 
• Take 3 months off to get my body back in balance and just enjoy a slower pace of life (I had saved up my annual leave for some time to enable me to do this)- it was great and gave me clear headspace to start blogging and do some study for fun as well as walk daily and go swimming and enjoy our kiwi summer with my family 
• Start my own business- yup, done that and have had some great opportunities to explore and play with using my skills in different settings including public speaking, writing resources for schools, and also doing adult workplace assessments
• Growing my own vegetables- we started that this season and it has been fabulous, to those of you who follow this blog you will have already read about this new passion of mine... and I am loving enjoying the fruits of our labours immensely! 
• Teach an average of two days week- this has happened in the last half of this year and I have really enjoyed teaching students from 5-17 years old, next year I will be teaching 2 days a week in a job share role which is fantastic
• Have my own chickens so we can eat our own eggs- we are on the way there, I got a little put off the idea by the fact that some people found chickens to be rather vicious with each other but have done some more research and we have plans to build our coop in the coming month or so... and the chickens will be a late Christmas gift once we get the coop ready for them
• I have always wanted to write despite feeling a little inadequate as a writer- I have had opportunities to play and learn (this blog is one way) and am learning more about this at the moment as I explore another project, it is exciting 

It hasn't always been easy, there are always ups and downs and I have had to take a few risks, but that strong vision of what I was hoping things would look like has helped me get back on course when the chips have been down. I also spoke with other people about this vision so they were able to support me and at times hold me accountable if needed. I am hugely grateful for the opportunities that I have had so far and the dreams that have been fulfilled as well as those that are ongoing and the dreams to come! 

I hope that your dreams come true in the best ways too. 

And while you are at it ALWAYS remember you are incredibly powerful because you do have choices... 

  

A thank you goes a long way

Tonight there was a post on Facebook by a friend which read:

It was really nice getting this comment from one of the players that I coach.
"...thanks Craig for your super coaching!"
I'm not showing off. These are teenagers and it's been hard work and frustrating at times. Lots of attitude. I sometimes wondered if I was making any difference at all. This comment made my day.

When I responded that I didn't think it was showing off, in fact I thought it was lovely and appreciated him sharing the good news he responded: 

Thanks Meg. When you get comments like this it reminds you how powerful compliments are. They boost your spirits big time. 

It's true, well at least I think it is. I used to say that I believed most people would work for a thank you... a pay rise is nice (often it is great, don't get me wrong) but the joy only lasts as long as it takes to get used to the increased income, feeling appreciated speaks to a different part of us and I'd argue that for most of us it has more power because it is saying what you do is valued and important enough for me to recognise it and let you know. And that feels good! Now a pay rise might be given as a token of this appreciation but if the thank you is left off or if appreciation only comes once a year at salary review time then it is almost meaningless. Please note, effusive empty words are not what I am talking about nor am I talking about splashed generously all over the place generic platitudes. It is the authentic praise and thanks that comes from a place of genuine appreciation that I am talking about. Here are some of the ways that I have noticed appreciation happening in the workplace:

• a straight out thank you for something done 
• a mention in a report written
• efforts on a particular project or matter being acknowledged with other colleagues 
• a quiet word of thanks as an aside in the workplace 
• an email saying thanks 
• a bunch of flowers or chocolates (unexpectedly) 
• being invited out for a coffee
• at one school our board would give each of us one day in the last term of the year to have off for whatever we wanted as a thank you for coping with a minimal budget and doing a great job 
• a phone call, text or card in the mail just to say thanks 
• a special one: remembering my birthday and giving me a book voucher because my boss knew I loved books... I didn't tell him about the books or my birthday and didn't expect anything at all 

These are little things that add up. I have been fortunate to have large thank yous in the past too. At the end of my first year teaching the school had rewritten and rehearsed a song for weeks to sing to me at the end of the year concert and I had no idea, the staff had been very clever at occupying me for the secret rehearsals and not one student let on. 'You are my sunshine' will always bring a smile to my face now. When I left another classroom teaching role my class organised a shared lunch with all the parents and again it was a complete surprise. When I finished my most recent role, I was invited to a dinner where a portion of the programme was dedicated to my farewell and thank you, my colleagues also gave me a collection of individually hand made tags with kind messages on them that I treasure.

I have been fortunate to have had both the little and large gestures of appreciation and for that I am really grateful as it has given me the fuel to keep going especially when times were challenging, and a feeling of satisfaction as I have moved onto new adventures. Not everyone is so fortunate and that is a bit sad. Too often we save our appreciation and compliments for the end of something which I think is a little like the eulogies at funerals where despite being lovely at the time one has to wonder if it wouldn't have been better to have used the opportunity to say these things to the person when they were alive.

This appreciation thing is not only something to consider in the workplace either. Think about how we appreciate people in our community, in sports or social groups and at home. So often we forget to say thank you or give the compliment. It is very easy to forget, to unintentionally take things for granted. Most of us have people in our lives, throughout our days, that do a lot to be thankful for and deserve a compliment... like the shop assistants in the local grocery stores here who greet my son warmly and make him feel important, he loves going to the shop, and I thank them for their patience and kindness regularly- they do make a big difference to my little man's life. Think about the volunteers who do so much in our communities. My husband is a volunteer ambulance officer, and the commitment in terms of time and energy he puts into this role is huge yet I am not sure that everyone understands this. I am involved in volunteering myself and have worked with volunteers for a long time and I can tell you the appreciation, the small gestures, the compliments, when they come really do make a positive impact.

As Craig said earlier, often we wonder if what we do makes a difference at all, and we all deserve to feel like we are significant and what we do does matter. It doesn't hurt, nor need cost anything, to give your appreciation or offer a small compliment. A little warmth offered to a fellow human being because you mean it can really make someone's day so why wouldn't you? We don't know what will happen tomorrow so let's make someone's day today.

A final word: 
Just a closing statement, thank you for reading my blog and the feedback that I have been given. I have never been a writer and often share the thoughts or ideas that occur me. 
Thanks also Craig for the inspiration today. :) 

Letting go to keep moving ahead

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing the monkey bars...
you have to let go at some point in order to move forward. C.S. Lewis

I like this analogy, I like it a lot. If we hold on too long then we might fall off altogether but we do have a choice!

Life is full of ups and downs, to be fair some people have had more than their fair share of disappointments. I have met a few people in recent months who have gone through significant change in their lives and the thing that comes through so strongly is the power that our attitude has on our ability to make peace with our circumstances (current or past!).

I remember hearing Robyn Moore speaking a long time ago about gratitude and forgiveness, how the act of gratitude helps us let go and move forward. During the session she got us to think of a past hurt and the people who were connected with it and then suggested that we think about what we can be grateful to those people for. At the time I struggled with this. She talked about the ability in that moment of gratitude for us to find forgiveness so we could move forward. It wasn't until a number of years had passed that this really made sense to me. Like a lot of folk I had had a bad relationship and it ended in hurt. I had moved on largely but it wasn't until one day driving in incredibly icy conditions where I really understood what Robyn was talking about. As I came to a steep downhill section, I was extremely nervous, the road ahead was treacherous... and at that moment it occurred to me to use engine breaking which my ex-partner had taught me. When I had navigated the worst of it for some reason the words of Robyn came back and it all made sense. I felt lighter, I felt really free.

There is a wise old saying that goes something like this, holding onto anger is like holding a hot coal and expecting the other person/people to get burnt. All is does is hurt us, it uses our energy, it has the capacity to sap our joy... all while the other party is usually quite unaware that any hurt or anger remains. I can't say that I have mastered this but the awareness I now have has helped hugely with more recent disappointments and given me a strategy to manage the ups and downs. Developing an attitude of gratitude is worth the effort.

I guess this also about owning our feelings rather than allowing your emotions to be dictated by others- we are not puppets and whilst we may not be responsible for the circumstances we find ourselves in, we do have power over our own emotions. This does not mean we will not feel anger or hurt or disappointment, of course we will and rightly so, but if we stay angry or hurt or disappointed then we need to look at ourselves and ask if we are hanging on to a monkey bar or hot coal that is no longer serving us. If we are holding on to those negative emotions we are potentially causing ourselves deeper hurt, greater pain.

We deserve every joy that life offers us and too often miss it when our hearts and minds are cluttered with unresolved anger. So, in thinking about this, who or what in your life could you from something to be grateful for so you can keep on swinging ahead in your life?

Image sourced: http://www.barbarabutler.com/glossary.php?doc_id=1104936268&section=climbing