Do you think you are better than everyone else- a reflection

A couple of years ago I wrote a post entitled 'Do you think you are better than everyone else' where I recounted a story from my childhood that does haunt me even now (over 30 years later)... it was a tiny moment really but the words cut deep and created a loop that pops up from time to time. At the moment I am participating (a little!) in a blog challenge with giftEDnz and I am also in the midst of school holidays so a LOT of personal reflection is going on. I have also started reading Brene Brown's book 'Rising Strong' as resilience is a topic I am interested in and I love her work, it has got me thinking about vulnerability again and facing my own demons. I am not gifted but I think that the moment I had as a child could be one some of our gifted and talented tamariki experience, the words (and the venom they are delivered with) might be different but the damage done could be similar.

This is the moment (click on the link above for more): 

'I was one of those kids that loved learning, heck I still do, and I was always looking to stretch myself, again I still do. One day when I must've been about 11 years old, I had completed some work earlier than my classmates, I had checked it and then waited in line to ask my teacher if I could please have some more work. The response from my teacher was less than supportive, in fact the response was a loud (enough to silence the rest of my classmates) "so you think you are better than everyone else?" I was horrified. That was not what I meant at all, I just wanted some more work to keep myself busy and tried to explain that in a quiet voice but to no avail. I didn't get any more work, all I got was humiliated and shamed. '

I never thought of myself as a particularly precocious child, but maybe I was, who knows? What I do know is that this experience made me nervous to stand up, to speak up, to be vulnerable. I vividly remember sitting at my desk having completed my work and looking around the classroom seeing everyone else still working away (or goofing off because we were a class of real human beings with different needs, skills and interests... however they were doing so in an unobtrusive manner to avoid being caught), I weighed up the option of staying there quietly and doing nothing but it was going to be a long time which would be really boring and I thought perhaps my teacher would be proud of me showing an interest and desire to do more (people pleasing is something I mastered early on... a work in progress too) so I took a deep breath and walked to his desk. I'll never forget the look of disdain as he spoke to me... or perhaps disdain is what I perceived rather than what was really there, never-the-less the look, the words, the silence... it stung. 

Fast forward now to last week, and I am presenting a workshop at a conference. As always there was the flutter... what right do I have being here talking to people about stuff? What makes me think I am good enough to do this? Now, I have a process to tamper that down and walk into the vulnerability, face the fear and do it anyway kind of approach. The workshop went well, I think, and at the end one of the teachers there asked if she could come and observe in my classroom... instant anxiety flare... and I fumbled my way through saying yes of course but please know it is a work in progress and I am on  a journey and certainly haven't got it all sorted etc etc etc. I created the excuses immediately because perhaps one of my biggest fears is being exposed as the fraud I am sure I am. After all, what actually makes me think that I have anything to offer? Cue the refrain: What makes me think I am better than anyone else? 

Now I know that this is mind talk and that I have the skills to manage that but the seeds planted in our early years can grow strong roots. In those times when our vulnerability is exposed that is perhaps when those seeds that have grown over the years blossom in their healing or hurting way depending on what seeds are planted and then nurtured. 

And so, my challenge for myself is to be present and aware of the seeds I am planting and those I am nurturing in the minds and hearts of the young people I am privileged to work with. To prune what I can of the harmful ones and provide light, warmth and nutrients to the ones that will help my tamariki flourish in all the ways they can. 

On becoming curious in the classroom

It's been a long time since I last wrote, the excuse is that I am doing my masters research this year and any time I go to write something that isn't related to my research I feel guilty! Crazy huh?! But today I am putting my guilt to one side so I can share a wee thought that has been rattling around in my brain for a little while now.

A few months ago I read a headline for an article on behaviour management called Be Curious Not Furious and it was a great read and supported a lot of the stress and brain development material I have spoken about previously. But it also sparked another thought and this was about the power of curiosity in my wider teaching practice.

Curiosity for me as a teacher means not constantly anticipating and predicting children's responses, losing the predetermined nature that can sometimes feature in classrooms especially when our planning is too tight, too rigid. It means letting go of the tension built from trying to squeeze every last educational drop out of every minute for every learner in your room. It also means getting comfortable with doing less so you can see and learn more as a teacher. I see it as mindfulness embedded in teaching practice.

You cannot be curious and rushing at the same time, you cannot be curious and furious at the same time, you cannot be curious and absent minded or otherwise occupied at the same time. To be fully curious you have to be present, immersed and engaged in what you are doing.

When I am teaching from a place of curiosity I see more, I hear more and I understand more about my learners, their strengths and needs. When I am teaching from a place of curiosity I am also a lot more attuned to my own intuition and make better use of the time I have. When I am teaching from a place of curiosity I walk alongside my learners and we delve deeper into the learning opportunity happening at the time. And the funny thing is when I teach from a place of curiosity I achieve more as a teacher, my time is better spent and I give more to the learners that I am working with than I ever do when I am rushing, pushing, trying to do more and be more.

Curiosity is intense. It is not for the faint-hearted. It means that you are using all of your senses to teach and learn from. It takes practice and energy. And I am still learning, still working on avoiding distractions, making sure I give myself permission to continue to be curious more often. It makes a difference in so many ways.  

Four gifts from five generations

One of my previous posts was focused on modern teenagers and technology whilst drawing some parallels between generations as well. Moving on from that I figured that this was an opportunity to put some thoughts down on paper about strengths of generational age groups as we go forward in the technological age that we are living in.
We all have something to offer and for each of us it is important that we embrace the strengths of our own and other age groups. The five very general age groups I am looking at are: preschoolers, primary (elementary) aged children, teenagers/adolescents, adults and senior citizens.
These are some ideas to start a conversation about what each generation can offer and they come from my experience. I am writing from the perspective of an adult, a mother and a teacher... you may see it very differently and that is fantastic, please feel free to share your thoughts so we can learn from each other.

Preschoolers
I know being a mother of a preschooler I am reminded daily of how incredible the world is. When we go for a walk, we stop to marvel at tiny flowers or tall buildings, we don't rush. I will never forget watching my little boy learning to roll over, his determination through repeated failed attempts and his satisfaction when he mastered the skill just blew me away. When I feel like I am overwhelmed by all that needs to be done I find that he helps me to focus on what is important (usually him!) and reminds me of what being mindful is really about.

Strengths of our Preschoolers:

• they are born into this age, it is the only world they know so the adults in their lives can give them the confidence to explore and learn alongside them as they discover the wonders of their world
• they can show us about learning through failure and persistence
• they can teach us about living in the moment 
• they are one of the best representations of hope 

Primary (Elementary) School Children
I am a primary teacher by trade and have spent a lot of my adult life focused on the needs of this age group. As a general rule they are motivated learners. They come into our classrooms and want to please, they want to do well and we need to create risk-positive environments where mistakes are celebrated attempts on the way to success not just wrong or plain failures. There is opportunity to reinforce the values held by our communities. These children are more than capable of taking on responsibility and thrive from being trusted.

Strengths of  our Primary (Elementary) School Children:

• adults in their lives can walk alongside them, offering guidance to them and learning from them
• they are open to learning and we have the opportunity to reinforce positive/healthy mindsets  
• they have a strong sense of fairness so can help adults in their life stay true to their values  
• they have the potential to take positive action for their communities, especially when supported and trusted by adults in their lives 

Teenagers/Adolescents
As I spoke about in a previous post, this age group has enormous potential for impacting on our world. They have energy, enthusiasm and with encouragement can be incredibly creative. They are going through huge change (not only physiologically) and the support from positive friends, role models and adults in their lives can have a great impact on how well they negotiate all the changes they are faced with. They need to know that they have people in their corner whilst at the same time taking responsibility for their actions- positive and negative. They have a tendency to expand the possible potential benefits of a course of action and minimise the negative so need to have relationships with people who can help them unpack their choices and make more thoughtful decisions about the stuff that matters.

Strengths of our Teenagers/Adolescents:

• they are able to engage with the world in a whole variety of ways 
• they more likely to be daring, to take risks, and it is up to the adults and peers in their lives to help channel this enthusiasm towards healthy/responsible risks  
• they see the world in really interesting ways- adults can learn so much from them if they are able to bridge the gap through respect and genuine interest
• they have an innate desire to belong, creating and valuing opportunities to connect with others is important 

Adults
Adults are leaders within our nuclear families, our communities, and in the workforce (as a general rule). They can enable growth and change or block it, they can empower by responding positively to the needs of our children and youth. In our schools the adults are usually the decision makers and have the opportunity to be lead learners. Adults have an enormous responsibility to walk the talk and live their values, not only because it is the right thing to do but also because you never know who is watching and learning from what you do.

Strengths of our Adults:

• they can share important values by living them, they can create an environment of acceptance for our young and old 
• they are aware of the shifts and changes happening in our world and can help support others as they learn to cope with change 
• they are in a great position to offer guidance to our young people to help them navigate their world 
• they are often leaders of families and communities so are in a prime position to ensure that the voices of our youth and elders are heard 

Senior Citizens
In some western cultures, like in New Zealand, I don't think we always honour the gifts that our senior citizens offer us. Some of our elders have seen the best and worst of humanity over our recent history, they have seen enormous change, they know the stories of our past... they can teach us so much about where we come from so we can relate that to where we might be going. They are able to teach us about the values that are important to our communities.

Strengths of our Senior Citizens:

• they have wisdom to share (so do our children) 
• they have seen change and turmoil, they have a valuable perspective 
• they can help us uphold important community/cultural values 
• they can mentor our young by embracing their energy and enthusiasm and demonstrating a willingness to keep on learning