Calming a contagion in the classroom

Today I was listening to the Unlocking Us podcast by Brené Brown about day-to-day anxiety and over/under-functioning. Something she said early on in this podcast really struck a chord for me from a teaching perspective, anxiety is one of the most contagious of all emotions.

Let that sink in for a moment, anxiety is one of the most contagious of all emotions.

How does this show up in a classroom setting? Here are a couple of possible situations that might feel familiar:

1.      You are being appraised and feeling anxious; you have planned for everything, ensured your students are aware of expectations and have done everything you can think of to prepare (more than you would for a normal lesson) but you are still anxious because you are being watched and you want it to be successful. And then the lesson falls way short of what you planned, you feel it was a disaster, the students didn’t respond as you expected and you are devastated.

2.      At lunchtime there was an altercation in the playground and one of your students was involved, they are anxious about how the rest of the class will react and you are mindful of this anxiety. They walk in the door and you can almost smell the anxiety so you become hyper-vigilant and that raises their anxiety and the rest of the class seem more anxious… it is a tense afternoon.

3.      One of your colleagues is under a bit of stress and anxious as end of term is coming. After lunchtime in the staffroom with them you feel anxious and don’t really know why but you take that into the classroom with you and have a bit of a miserable afternoon. You were feeling fine about getting everything done earlier on but now you are worried.

I am sure you can think of other situations that might be relevant too. If we go back to the idea of the Magic Brain, when we are anxious we are in the glitter room and that means we can’t think as effectively because our anxiety is in charge of our thinking. As teachers, part of our job is to create an environment where learning can occur and that means reducing anxiety where we can, doesn’t it? When I think about all of this, the quote from Haim G. Ginott comes to mind:

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather…”

That’s a lot of pressure though eh? How can we be responsible for the feelings of others? The way I see it is that we can’t assume responsibility for other’s feelings but we might be able to influence the dynamic and calm the anxiety contagion if we are aware, and that does start with us.

Firstly, we need to notice and name our own emotions and behaviours. In this podcast Brené talks about over-functioning and under-functioning. I know for me I go into over-functioning as a response to anxiety; I get busy, try to fix things, organise stuff and keep everything under control, I like to look like I’ve got it all together and don’t need help. Under-functioning is the opposite. Neither of these approaches is really helpful, especially if we want to avoid creating an anxious learning environment!

Once we recognise our behaviours we can notice when they are flaring and press pause. I love practicing the pause! Pause enough to notice what is happening inside us and then shift gear so we can respond intelligently to what is happening around us. This is the time for the superpower of calm to come to the fore. In the face of emotional anxiety if we can stop, breathe, think then do we have a great opportunity to stop the spread. Let’s take the situations above and add in a dose of calm:

1.      The appraisal: take some deep cleansing breaths before you speak or start the lesson. Prior to the appraisal it may be appropriate to share your feelings openly “I am feeling anxious about this appraisal and just need you to know that”, you may even ask for help with it. Last year I was going to the dentist for the first time in a long time (I have a fear of dentists) and so I talked to my class of 7 and 8 year olds about my fear in the morning and explained that I was feeling anxious. I asked them for their help; they were kind and gracious with me, they also gave me great advice (some of it was my own words coming back to me). The thing was it calmed my anxious mind during that day so I could be more present for them as their teacher. (By the way, the trip to the dentist wasn't as painful or scary as I had imagined… anxiety often thrives in an uncertain future.)

2.      Anxious student: this is a situation where the power of breath is going to be really helpful. Taking a breath before you come into the classroom and staying present is going to help everyone, yes you need to be mindful of the emotional state of your learners, but it is about not joining in their storm. It might be time for a quiet coaching conversation where you can help them unpack their reality before engaging with the class. I now teach my students about the superpowers of breath and stillness daily, we are practising the skills of calmness, and I love it when they coach each other or myself in using our superpowers- this helps when we are faced with situations like this.

3.      Anxious colleague: I like to think that most of us in education are reasonably compassionate people, we care about others and want to help them. In this situation joining in on the stress doesn’t really help anyone e.g. “I wish that the government, school management, parents understood how hard it is, something should be done etc etc etc”. All this does is reinforce powerlessness and makes us feel worse. Instead we can lovingly investigate what’s happening for our colleague if they want to talk about it, we can listen with empathy and understanding, we can care but we don’t have to wear the emotion. And before we return to our classroom or office we need to take some deep cleansing breaths, perhaps orient ourselves to what we love about our work or focus on what our goals are for the afternoon and go there with some positive energy.

The fabulous thing about practicing our calm is that the more we do it the easier it becomes. I know several people who I admire hugely because of their calm, they are my role models and when I get flooded by emotion and feel like I am racing towards thoughtless reaction I picture them and it helps me pause. It is becoming easier. When we use our superpower of calm we can think more clearly, we can respond intelligently, we become more like ourselves I think. And this means that we can be the best version of ourselves in that moment as a teacher or leader.   

[for more links, inspiration and ideas for the classroom please follow my FB page:https://www.facebook.com/teachingwithheartandbraininmind/)

A mind working over time

I've gotta stop my mind
Working overtime
It's driving me insane
It will not let me live
Always so negative
It's become my enemy

(From Save Me by Jem)

Last month I was presenting at the Teachers Matter Conference in Wellington. It is a real privilege to attend these professional development events and to be invited to present is a huge honour indeed. And one I didn’t take lightly.

When Karen asked me if I would be interested in coming along I didn’t hesitate, I was in and I was excited. This would be my third opportunity to work at the Teachers Matter Conference and the previous times had been massive for my own learning as a presenter as well as providing me with the opportunity to be inspired both personally and professionally as a teacher, parent and general human being.

As the time passed I started to become anxious… I didn’t recognise it as such at the time however, I just thought I was uninspired, stressed, tired. I found it hard to get what I wanted sorted easily, it was like writers block I guess, and then the self-doubt kicked in and it was brutal…

• ·         Perhaps Karen made a mistake? Or she was being too kind.
• ·         What do I have to offer? I have nothing to offer.
• ·         What makes me think I am good enough to stand in front of other teachers spouting off stuff? I am not as good as I think I am, I am a complete fraud.
• ·         What if I screw this up? I’ll ruin the conference and let everyone down!

Wowsers, I was being pretty tough on myself at the time and in hindsight I was actually self-sabotaging quite skilfully.

Why would I think such things
Crazy thoughts have quick wings
Gaining momentum fast
One minute I am fine
The next I've lost my mind
To a fake fantasy

(From Save Me by Jem)

This is the crux of the matter, I was projecting a negative outcome to an event that was still a few weeks away. I hadn’t actually recognised clearly this was what I was doing at the time so I didn’t press the STOP button and get off the beat-myself-up merry-go-round when it would have been healthy to do so.

The closer the day came the more wound up I became as the thoughts twisted and turned in my mind. I so wanted to do a really good job for Karen who I admire enormously and the conference delegates who had paid to be there and were attending in their holiday time. I felt that what I did would impact on the quality of the event for the delegates and the reputation of Spectrum Education and I so wanted to give my best for all. The pressure I had put myself under was really intense and unnecessary. It didn’t help me at all.

And the thing was… that NONE of this was real yet… the conference still hadn’t started!

Insecurities keep growing
Wasted energies are flowing
Anger, pain and sadness beckon
Panic sets in in a second

(From Save Me by Jem)

And then the day arrived. Did I give my best? I did the best I could at the time but I still feel that I could have done better if I had relaxed and enjoyed it more. Watching the video (which is useful once you get over the cringe factor!) I can see the moment where I actually relax and start enjoying myself. I get a buzz presenting and sharing ideas with others and it did come but the energy I wasted in getting there robbed some of this for me and therefore it took it from the presentation too. And the thing is I had allowed it to, unwittingly perhaps, but I still let it happen.

Be aware it's just your mind
And you can stop it anytime

(From Save Me by Jem)

So why am I sharing this story of insecurity with you? Well firstly because it is still wandering around in my mind and I need to let the words out. It is also because it isn’t all doom and gloom, it has been a really interesting learning experience and part of what I do is share learning.

After the conference I went through a little self reflection, obviously, I have realised I have some perfectionist tendencies. If you look at my messy garage and abysmal filing systems you might, like me, be confused by this as I was but it isn’t about having things perfect. Brene Brown describes perfectionism as “a twenty-ton shield that we lug around with us thinking that it will protect us when, in reality, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.” Pretty heavy huh? (In more than one way!) And when I think about it, this is where the self-sabotage comes in… it’s almost like it is a way of protecting us from potential hurt/failure from flying too high but it actually holds us down and holds us back from what we could be if we were truly authentic.

I have also read a book called Presence by Amy Cuddy, an easy but informative read that gives practical explanations for research and concrete strategies to apply the learning in real life… largely based around faking it till you believe it using our body to give brain positive signals of presence and power. In this book Amy also talks a lot about imposter syndrome, this is where even despite evidence to the contrary, we feel that we will be found out to be not as good at something as people might believe. We believe ourselves to be frauds undeserving of our achievements, that we were lucky in our successes, and that at any time our lack of ability will be discovered and others will be dreadfully disappointed. It robs us from the joy of when things go well and has a tendency to have us exaggerate our limitations or failures.  

So what is the cure? Well I don’t quite know but I happened upon the following forty minute clip and have noticed it has helped me. The clip is called The biggest disease affecting humanity “I am not enough” by Marisa Peer. I thoroughly recommend the investment of time if you think you might be susceptible to a little negative mind chatter… like many of us!

So where have I come to now. Well I am enough. I am worthy. I do not need to prove myself to anyone, let alone the biggest critic, my own mind! I am enough and the realisation of this is quite freeing. I am remembering to enjoy the little successes along the way rather than minimising them and looking towards the things that have gone wrong or the next step. And I am looking forward to presenting again with this much clearer insight. 

Ok so here we go
If it works I'll let you know

(From Save Me by Jem)

I love the music of Jem and the song quoted ‘Save Me’ is one of my favourites. I have used it throughout this piece as it quite accurately sums up some of the thinking patterns I am describing.

Learning with the brain in mind

This post is a nod to my friend and mentor Karen Boyes who I remember talking about the comfort and learning zones at a conference a long time ago... I loved the concept and intend to share this with our class this term as we continue to learn about our brilliant brains. 

I recently shared a post about considering the brain with behaviour management and shared some tools I have used to help explain the brain to the children I have worked with. Using Glenn Capelli's magic brain model to help describe behaviour has been effective and so using the same model I intend to focus on learning with the brain in mind (see below)... it could be said we are able to learn our best when we are in the Learning Zone which in the model below is in the blue thinking room.  

Here is a little reminder of Glenn's Magic Brain model: 

1. The blue thinking room- where we have heaps of choices and this is where heaps of our learning happens 
2. The glitter room of emotions (Glenn talks about this being the multicoloured room)- this is where our feelings are and when we are feeling big emotions or lots of emotions it can get pretty messy in here which makes it hard to the get to the door for the thinking room so we need to calm the glitter down 
3. The red room of limited choices- often when we are afraid or angry we end up in the red room where we really only have 2-3 choices... fight, flight or freeze,  when the brain stem is engaged then the cerebral cortex is offline

One way to define a concept is by defining what it isn't so to explore what a Learning zone looks like I'll first establish what it isn't by looking at two extremes of a continuum... the Comfort zone and the Danger zone and what some internal dialogue relating to this might be.  

Comfort Zone	Danger Zone
This is easy I don’t even need to think about it I am so good at this Yawn…	This is probably going to kill me!!!

So the Learning zone sits in the middle of these two extremes but it isn't there alone... the Fear zone is also there  so our continuum now looks a little like this... 

Comfort Zone	Learning Zone		Danger Zone
	Fear Zone

When we are faced with a learning challenge, depending on our personal expectations, self talk and prior experience among other things, we will either enter the Learning zone or the Fear zone. 
Below is some internal (and even external) dialogue learners might have when they are in the Learning and Fear zones. 

Learning Zone	Fear Zone
This is challenging (the brain loves challenge!)	This is too hard
This might be fun	This is stupid
I can’t do this, yet	I can’t do this
Mistakes are part of learning	Mistakes are bad
Oops, I got that wrong this time	Getting things wrong is bad
I don’t know this, yet	I don’t know this
This reminds me of something else that I know	This doesn’t relate to anything I know at all
Asking for help is part of learning	Asking for help means that I am stupid or dumb
I am a learner	I am a failure

The Learning zone lets us into the blue thinking room of the brain whereas the Fear zone takes us through the glitter room of emotions and sometimes into the red room of limited choices. 

If our learners go into the Fear zone when presented with something new then the chances of them getting as much out of it as they could is really limited... unless we can help them to identify what is happening in their brain at the time and find ways to access the blue thinking room. Please note: I am not suggesting we try to remove emotions from learning at all, in fact emotions are powerfully useful in learning just not so much when they stay all shaken up and are keeping the door to the blue room closed, so we need to find ways to keep that door open. 

So how can we help move into the Learning zone if we find ourselves in the Fear zone? Well this is one of the questions we'll be discussing in our class at some stage but in the meantime here are a couple of suggestions that I can offer: 

• Think about another time when you learned something and it was really hard and then it got easier... often learning something new is hard at the start and that's normal.  
• Relate to children learning to walk... they don't try once, fall over and then based on that experience decide that clearly walking isn't for them! They try and try and try again, persistence is a key to learning. Making mistakes, getting things wrong, falling over is part of learning. 
• Remind yourself that it is OK to make mistakes... as a teacher you have the ability to support this mental framework so how do you make sure your learners know mistakes are OK? 
• YET is a powerful word, it supports developing a growth mindset. 'I can't do this yet' is empowering where just stating 'I can't do this' is limiting. 
• Remind ourselves that the brain LOVES challenges. Challenges help to form new connections and keep things interesting for the brain. 
• There are strategies we can use to help make learning new things easier, here are a couple: 1. scaffolding- by relating the new material to something else we have done or learned in the past; 2. break it down- see if you can break the new learning down into it's parts so we are learning one smaller thing at a time rather than something absolutely ENORMOUS!  
• Stop, Breathe, Think, Do works here too... when we hear ourselves saying that we are dumb or stupid or can't do this then that is a sign we need to STOP (have a break) and breathe. Then think about what we can do: perhaps ask for clarification or help if we need it; or have another go; or try a new strategy.

This work is designed to help make brain science accessible to our learners and I hope that as we work together the children will develop it further in ways that I can't predict, and that they will become more curious about their own amazing brains. For me the more I learn about this, the more I want to know and greater my appreciation for the magnificence of the human brain and our potential becomes. 

This is about empowerment of the learner, supporting them to better know themselves so they can unlock the potential within and shine which I figure is a big part of our role as parents, caregivers, teachers, school administrators, educationalists. I do appreciate your feedback and suggestions as I continue to build on these concepts with our children and hope that something in here might be useful for others as well. 

Some links that you may find interesting: 

From this blog: 

Managing difficult behaviour with the brain in mind (+some poetry and lesson ideas) 

Supporting at risk students- reflecting on teaching practices to support students

Why we need mindfulness in our schools- a few thoughts about mindfulness in the classroom

Karen Boyes: 

Effort vs Accomplishment - a summary around fixed and growth mindsets

Everything is hard before it is easy- looking at this aspect of being in the learning zone 

Brene Brown: 

The power of vulnerability- exploring the feeling of vulnerability and seeing the powerful and positive that can be found in it (great for our own learning and development) 

Are you being a human being right now?

Are you a human being? Of course you are in scientific terms but let's think a little wider.

What else might you be if you are not being a human being? 

Well you could be a human doing or a human been. 

A human doing is busy. They are always thinking about 'stuff''. They may be worrying about things. Committed human doings are likely to be perfectionists and/or procrastinators. They are likely to say yes even when they aren't sure they have the time or energy to add another thing to the list. They avoid silence, there is always something happening. 

Some of this may come from people pleasing, some of it could be a way of avoiding facing ourselves, some of it might just be habit. 

A human been spends time living in the past. They worry over old regrets. They may relive past events in their minds and hold on to old hurts. They are afraid to step out of their comfort zone because they may have failed in the past. 

Some of this may come from being hurt, some of it could be to avoid taking risks, some of it might be because they want to resolve something from their past. 

A human being is focused on what is happening here and now. They notice the taste of their food, what they see and feel. They appreciate that what is happening right now will pass. This does not mean that they are living in a perpetual bliss with every moment wonderful but that they are aware of themselves in the moments as they move through life. 

This for me is where mindfulness resides and there is a whole lot of good news about practicing mindfulness for mental, social, emotional and physical health.  

Many spiritual masters and mindfulness experts talk about human being/doing dynamics. I have a feeling for most of us we are a little of the three types mentioned above at different times. It is useful to raise our awareness though and know what type of human we are in different circumstances so we can balance ourselves better, improve our sense of empowerment and even improve our relationships with others.

At the moment I am in a human doing zone... there is a lot happening and at times it has been threatening to overwhelm me. In the midst of this chaos (and trust me it has felt a little chaotic) I have created moments of clarity and simplicity which have helped me cope. This morning for example I put my little boy who has been unwell this week in the pushchair and took the dogs for a walk. It was a gorgeous spring morning here and we stopped to talk to a couple of older ladies who patted the dogs, looked closely at a train (the way that some of the machinery is visible is quite neat so we were able to look at springs and pistons etc), noticed the stunning blossom on a weeping cherry tree and enjoyed going down hills fast and over the bumpy gravel. This hour out of a busy and tiring time was the best medicine ever and that is because I left the house as a human being not a human been or human doing... it could just have easily been doing another thing to cross off my to do list or a time where I allowed my mind to wander to worrying over problems from the past or what else I needed to get done. The frame of mind I chose did not change what I did but it made a significant difference in how I felt and what I gained from the time spent. 

It has taken me a long time to understand that it is OK to switch off from our mind chatter, the world will not stop if we do. I am so grateful for this awareness, it is empowering. We cannot always choose the circumstances we are presented with but we can sometimes choose the type of human that we are in those circumstances.  

To help get started just every so often check in with yourself and ask what sort of human am I right now? And then check that the choice you have made is working for you. 

Letting go to keep moving ahead

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing the monkey bars...
you have to let go at some point in order to move forward. C.S. Lewis

I like this analogy, I like it a lot. If we hold on too long then we might fall off altogether but we do have a choice!

Life is full of ups and downs, to be fair some people have had more than their fair share of disappointments. I have met a few people in recent months who have gone through significant change in their lives and the thing that comes through so strongly is the power that our attitude has on our ability to make peace with our circumstances (current or past!).

I remember hearing Robyn Moore speaking a long time ago about gratitude and forgiveness, how the act of gratitude helps us let go and move forward. During the session she got us to think of a past hurt and the people who were connected with it and then suggested that we think about what we can be grateful to those people for. At the time I struggled with this. She talked about the ability in that moment of gratitude for us to find forgiveness so we could move forward. It wasn't until a number of years had passed that this really made sense to me. Like a lot of folk I had had a bad relationship and it ended in hurt. I had moved on largely but it wasn't until one day driving in incredibly icy conditions where I really understood what Robyn was talking about. As I came to a steep downhill section, I was extremely nervous, the road ahead was treacherous... and at that moment it occurred to me to use engine breaking which my ex-partner had taught me. When I had navigated the worst of it for some reason the words of Robyn came back and it all made sense. I felt lighter, I felt really free.

There is a wise old saying that goes something like this, holding onto anger is like holding a hot coal and expecting the other person/people to get burnt. All is does is hurt us, it uses our energy, it has the capacity to sap our joy... all while the other party is usually quite unaware that any hurt or anger remains. I can't say that I have mastered this but the awareness I now have has helped hugely with more recent disappointments and given me a strategy to manage the ups and downs. Developing an attitude of gratitude is worth the effort.

I guess this also about owning our feelings rather than allowing your emotions to be dictated by others- we are not puppets and whilst we may not be responsible for the circumstances we find ourselves in, we do have power over our own emotions. This does not mean we will not feel anger or hurt or disappointment, of course we will and rightly so, but if we stay angry or hurt or disappointed then we need to look at ourselves and ask if we are hanging on to a monkey bar or hot coal that is no longer serving us. If we are holding on to those negative emotions we are potentially causing ourselves deeper hurt, greater pain.

We deserve every joy that life offers us and too often miss it when our hearts and minds are cluttered with unresolved anger. So, in thinking about this, who or what in your life could you from something to be grateful for so you can keep on swinging ahead in your life?

Image sourced: http://www.barbarabutler.com/glossary.php?doc_id=1104936268&section=climbing

Don't pack the concrete mixer!

We don't need a concrete mixer in our resilience toolbox. 

Lately I have been working on a presentation about resiliency that I will be giving next week and as I have been working I have been getting hooked up on the topic of 'hardening up'.  In fact I could nearly do a whole presentation about that small aspect in itself! So instead I'll put some of my thoughts down here...

A common analogy used when talking about resilience is that it is like having a toolbox. I like this analogy. The more tools we have the better prepared we are to cope with the pitfalls of life. Like a builder, we need to have our toolbox packed before we go to the job, we need to know how to use our tools before we go to the job and we need to ensure that they are in good working order before we go to the job, replacing what is broken as we go along. To be as resilient as possible in difficult times we need to practice the behaviours that support our sense of well-being in our good times.

When considering the tools to carry we need to ensure we only pack those things that will support us in times of stress and, because of this, I strongly suggest we don't pack a concrete mixer... for one reason it's incredibly heavy to carry. For another reason, I see it as a tool that contributes to hardening up which seems to me to create more problems.

I am not sure what it is like in other countries but in New Zealand it feels like there is a strong culture of 'hardening up'. When we 'harden up' we suppress our vulnerability, our emotions get pushed down every time they feel uncomfortable. Sometimes we are taught to 'harden up' when we are young, when we cry or become distressed. This is meant to help us become strong and resilient, but I think it does the opposite in the long run. It also teaches the young person that exhibiting their emotions and working through them makes other people uncomfortable too.

What I think happens when we continually 'harden up' is that we learn how to not cope effectively with our uncomfortable emotions which can lead to developing negative coping strategies such as blaming others, drug or alcohol abuse, self harm, violence and unnecessary risk taking. We feel weak asking for help so don't, even though we may very well need it. "Hardening up" can also diminish the emotional range an individual feels. Instead of experiencing a full range of emotions, from what I have seen, the range can reduce to a spectrum of anger and happiness. When scared or worried or sad this is expressed as anger, otherwise these hardened up folk seem happy enough but genuine joy can become elusive. I also believe for some people this limits their ability to empathise with others and so affects their interpersonal relationships.

It is a tough way to live because all those other emotions are sitting there underneath broiling away and sometimes it takes just a little pitfall for them to bubble over, like a volcano where the pressure has become too much. The fall out can be devastating for the individual and the people around them. In some cases I believe that this contributes to mental health issues, domestic violence, violent crime, suicide, addiction, divorce... you get the picture.

We can be better than this though, and I think that a start is to stop 'hardening up' our kids. I am no expert but I figure we can help our kids develop their emotional intelligence in various ways, such as:
1. be a positive role model- let them see you working through your emotions in positive ways
2. help them learn the language of feelings/emotions- if we can name what we are feeling then we can start working on ways to work through the feeling... and the more broad our emotional vocabulary the more able we are to narrow the focus on how to resolve it appropriately if it is one of those uncomfortable feelings that we don't like
3. help them identify strategies that work for them- when they are losing it, and who doesn't from time to time, we can present our kids with options such as I can see you are feeling frustrated, would you like to go and do something else for a few minutes or do you want to sit here with me? As we present them with different options they will start to learn what works for them and we can support their use of positive appropriate strategies as they learn and grow
4. accept that our kids will sometimes feel crabby- most of us feel crabby from time to time so rather than telling them our kids shouldn't feel like that (who needs to feel guilty for feeling what you are really feeling eh?) perhaps we could help them identify the feeling and acknowledge it. (I know that this isn't always easy, like in the middle of the supermarket!)
5. talk about feelings- when we are watching a movie or reading a book with our children, talk to them about the characters feelings and what they might do etc. Just where relevant of course, don't destroy the joy of the moment by over-analysing things though!

These are just some small ideas about an issue that I think is really important. I know that some of them are easier to say than do and that there are days that with the best will in the world we just don't handle things the way we'd like... it's OK because we are human. If we make a mistake then we can apologise, that is what we would expect from our kids after all, and then we move forward from there. If we need help we can ask for it, for what it's worth I think that asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness.

There is a whole lot of reading material online if you are interested. Maggie Dent, Daniel Goleman and Brainwave Trust are all good places/people to look at for more information about resilience and emotional intelligence especially for our little people :)

Image from: http://ghost32writer.com/?tag=maximizer-concrete

Sing your song

A few days ago Maya Angelou passed away, leaving behind pearls of wisdom that for me connect to the soul of humanity, that encourage us to be the best versions of ourselves as individuals, communities, human beings. It feels odd that someone who I have never met and know so little about has made such an impact on me, but she has, and I believe will continue to. She was passionate about education and not just that of the four walls of a classroom. Like the gorgeous Robyn Moore, she was passionate about people living big lives, not hiding their light but sharing it widely.

I believe we are all born with songs inside us waiting for the opportunity to let the music pour out. When you watch our little children playing and exploring their world they do it with absolute commitment to the moment, the only thing they have to do is to discover what they need to in that moment. They are born as mindful beings and too often we crush that unwittingly through our own sense of urgency, slavishness to the clock and to-do lists. Sir Ken Robinson would argue that often our children's light is dampened through our education systems. This is not saying that teachers are not doing a fabulous job, in fact I believe that most are committed to doing their absolute best for our children, but the systems many of us work in seem to be counter intuitive to helping our learners discover their songs.

Through our young lives where we get told to be quiet, follow the rules, do as you are told, do your best, change is hard, different is wrong, meet the criteria of a narrow curriculum, fit in, be nice all the time, succeed at school... it is little wonder that the sound of our songs can get drowned out.

As adults we then get nobbled with responsibility, we have to grow up, work towards a narrow concept of success... more expectations! With all these expectations, those we place on ourselves as well as those placed on us by others, where is there space for our songs to be heard?

Well the good news is we are not slaves to the clock, we do have choices. Yes we have responsibility but we do have choices. Sometimes things go wrong and we feel hopeless but even then we do have choices. Yes there are expectations, but again we still have choices. 

We own that space between our ears, we do have choices. 

One of the things we can do is just slow it down, especially when everything seems to be flying so fast around us. We can breathe. Oxygen is vital for brain function so a deep breath may help calm our thinking, allow us to notice and respond rather than simply react to what is happening around us. A while ago I read somewhere about a simple technique to calm ourselves down just through mindful breathing and I find it works for me, it's called the 7/11 technique. Basically you breathe in slowly and deeply for the count of seven and then breathe out for the count of eleven. The first time I did this I nearly expired on the breath out which demonstrates how shallowly I was breathing! So don't worry if you don't make it to eleven the first time, there are no expectations here. As you are breathing slowly and deeply, in and out, you concentrate on the breath and the counting. There is no need to do it for hours, just a couple of times now and then in a day helps me cope and I guess feel centered again.   

The more quiet we create between our ears the more we will be able to hear our own songs. The more spaces we create in our days the easier it will be for those around us to sing theirs. 

Further reading from this blog:
Follow your Bliss
You are not Atlas
Filling up tanks 
Self Leadership

Background image sourced from: 

http://byelke.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/yellow-singing-bird.jpg

Be as big as you dare to be

Last weekend I attended a conference hosted by 4es education. There was a terrific mix of speakers and delegates, and I had a great time meeting a whole bunch of wonderful new people. One of the speakers was the fabulous Robyn Moore, a lady who inspired me hugely about 11 years ago and this weekend was just as inspirational, she started her presentation with the statement of 'be as big as you dare to be' and set me off thinking about the stories we tell ourselves.

We are given 86 400 seconds every day and we have a choice to participate in our own life or to be at the whim of the circumstances and people around us. By not making a choice you are still making a choice. This does not mean that you won't have bad times or even bad days. It is about being aware of who you are being in a given moment and asking yourself "is this who I want to be right now?"... sometimes the answer will be yes. Sometimes we will feel angry, cynical, disengaged and down, that's OK, they are normal feelings and these feelings serve a purpose, but we need to look at what is the cost if these become our default feelings and overshadow our joy, love, compassion, enthusiasm, engagement and wonder. The cost is physical, emotional and spiritual, it can rob us in our work life, home life and social life.

There is evidence that negative mindsets can impact on health and wellbeing. Our immune, endocrine and nervous systems are linked so a deficit in one influences the operation of the others. Considering that stress can be a result of long term negative emotions (or even short term depending on the stressors encountered) we can use it to illustrate this interconnectedness and impact on health. If we are out of balance emotionally it diminishes the supply of 'feel good' chemicals or neurotransmitters in our brain which has a flow on effect, as an example serotonin (one of those 'feel good' chemicals) helps to manage our sleep which we know helps improve our immunity. Reductions in our brain chemicals (neurotransmitters) also impacts on our hormone balance. Our hormones (like neurotransmitters in the brain) are messengers for the body so if they are out of balance that can impact on digestive function, respiratory function and immunity among others. If we are unable to gain the nutrition we need then our muscles are less effective, and essential nutrients required for building up the tanks of neurotransmitters in our brains are in shorter supply. Ah, what a vicious cycle we have created!

As a recovering stress nut I can attest to the physiological impact and even more so the emotional and spiritual fall out. We all have days when we don't feel so good but if we become stuck in the loop of 'my life sucks', 'why does this always happen to me?', 'nobody cares anyway', 'whatever!' and so forth then we create this vicious cycle... negative thought creates negative emotion, negative emotion creates negative behaviour leading to isolation, disconnection, disengagement, procrastination, fear and so much more.

The good news is... we do have a choice.

As I said earlier we can let our circumstances define us or we can can define ourselves. If we are having a tough day we can be angry, or we can be angry at the circumstance and grateful for our loving family that we are coming home to. Robyn Moore talks extensively about who we are being and the power we have to choose in that moment. Some of the statements I have chosen at times are: I am tired and grateful, I am weary and happy to be home, I am disappointed and loved by my friends and family, I am nervous and excited to have the opportunity, I am vulnerable and free... the power is in the and.

Dr Tom Mulholland is all about Healthy Thinking and as an emergency doctor he sees the impact of avoidable illness daily. His Healthy Thinking approach encourages us to notice when we are experiencing negative emotions and identify the thought or thoughts that sit in behind it. Once they are identified then we can analyse them and act accordingly. For example if you are feeling angry after a fraught meeting at work, the thought sitting in behind it may be 'no-one ever listens to me'. Now we analyse this thought by asking ourselves the following questions:

1. is it true?
2. is it worth it?
3. does it help me achieve my goal? 

If the answer to all three questions is a yes, then that thought is probably pretty accurate, so you work on alleviating or addressing the problem itself. However if there is a no response in the mix then we get to be the author and perhaps change the thought.
Using the example given, in response to the questions above:

1. no, it isn't really true because they did listen to me last week when I suggested another solution. Things are rarely all or nothing
2. not really, by saying this to myself it doesn't really make going to meetings more fun or fruitful
3. this doesn't help me achieve my goal of feeling like a valued contributing team member, I can probably prepare better next time and make sure I have the evidence to back up my suggestions instead which might help. 

So I am now empowered to change my original thought, I get to rewrite the words in my head, which affects my emotions and hopefully I will feel more competent and secure in the next meeting I attend. If I kept the original thought I can almost guarantee the next meeting would be another miserable experience. 

We cannot be as big as we dare to be when we let our negative thoughts get in the way and hijack our dreams.

We can be as big as we dare to be when we harness the incredible forces of our own minds... at the very least we might just get to enjoy some more of those 86 400 seconds we get every day.

The opportunity to experience more joy, laughter, peace, compassion, love and enthusiasm really is too good to let pass. Enjoy participating fully in your own life.