Know your players

Recently I watched the movie The Blind Side and as I have been thinking about leadership a lot lately there was a scene that really stuck out for me. If you are familiar with this movie you will probably know the scene, if not have a look here:

The key line: know your players.

As a leader that has to be the crux of it for me, know the people you work with. If you are a teacher then your players are the students, the parents/caregivers and your colleagues (including support staff!). If you are in business then it is your team, your support staff, your clients, your suppliers and your management/directors. If you are working in the charitable/not-for-profit sector then your players are the paid/unpaid staff, volunteers, committee members, clients, sponsors and supporters.

You may extend your players over time depending on how you progress. I am working in a school this year and see that there are people in our wider community that are players that I will need to engage with so I better get to know them too.

How can we get to know our players?

• Firstly, be prepared to listen more. Let go of your own agendas and tune into the message that is being given by those who are speaking. Ask people about themselves, find out about those things that light them up through talking to them. 
• And importantly, make time for people to interact with you. Leave your door open for part of the day. Be accessible. Time invested in establishing positive relationships early on will save you time in the long run.

And consider this too: 

• Small talk helps some people connect, be prepared to make time for this so people can develop a relationship with you as another human being. 
• Respond to communication. If you get a message respond as soon as possible, even if it is just acknowledging that you have got the message and will respond more fully when you get some time. 
• Give people opportunities to be involved in what is going on. 
• Ask for feedback regularly. 
• Ask others for advice. This is a great way to learn about people and build trust. 
• Observe your people. Watch them in meetings, see how they interact with each other. Watch how they work with others. What seems to switch them on, what seems to turn them off?  

Once you know your players then you can adapt your delivery to meet their needs, keep them engaged and get them on board. Even if you have a title and a big desk in a fancy office, getting great results from your team or players means that this is not all about you... it is very much about them and what you can do to inspire, encourage, mentor, coach and lead.

Take a moment to consider who your players are (it might even be those players in your own home that you are leading), and then ask yourself "how well do I know them?"

• Do you know what switches them on and what turns them off? 
• Do you know what they value? What is most important to them? How do you know this? 
• How do they communicate most effectively? 
• When is their most productive time? 
• What are they passionate about? 
• What are they afraid of?
• What are their dreams, goals and aspirations? 
• Who is most like you and who is least like you? How do you interact with and respond to these people? Are you fair and reasonable? (a great chance for self reflection) 

It is highly likely you won't know the answers to all of these questions for all of your players and that's OK, some of these won't be relevant for your circumstances or relationships. It is useful to reflect on them though and make a conscious decision to get to know your players better if you find gaps where you wouldn't expect them to be. It is also helpful to think about the answers you come up with and consider if these are facts or assumptions. To avoid damaging relationships you may need to investigate further through conversation and observation to test your assumptions and be ready to change tack if you find you are wrong.   

If we take the time to value the people we work with then we create a great brand for ourselves, we are able to improve workplace culture, we are better able to pull together in time of crisis, we can manage change more effectively and we are more likely to hear about problems earlier as our people know and trust us. 

There is a Maori proverb that encapsulates the sentiment of this post beautifully I think so I will close with it. 

He aha te mea nui of te ao? What is the most important thing in the world?
He tangata, he tangata, he tangata. It is people, it is people, it is people. 

Quote image sourced from: http://www.generationalliance.com/whitepaper/article/peace-the-case-for-sustainable-business/

Happy, healthy, resilient people do it better

In my last post I talked about the importance of having a wellbeing perspective in the front of our minds when teaching others. I talked about happy, healthy, resilient people learning better. 
As I was writing it I kept thinking that this doesn't only apply to teaching and learning, in fact I think it applies to so many different settings it is kind of a good mantra for life really. 

How we feel influences how we think which then influences how we act. Happy healthy people make better decisions, they have the brain space to think more clearly and therefore respond more thoughtfully. Their sense of esteem is higher and generally speaking I think when we are happier, healthier and more resilient we feel more competent and confident.   

Happy, healthy, resilient people work better 
The wellbeing of those we work with is important. I genuinely believe that part of my role as a leader is to be aware of what is happening for the people I work with because I am then in a better position to support and empower them to do the best job they can in the circumstances. Feeling like you are doing a good job and that what you do is important and valued is a helpful part of building self esteem which contributes to a greater sense of wellbeing which in turn creates better outcomes at work. If our people are able to perform well then our whole organisation succeeds so it makes business sense to encourage wellbeing in the team as well as the obvious moral obligation.
As a leader of a geographically diverse team it meant that communication was key. I read and re-read messages before I sent them out to ensure that as much as possible I was avoiding mixed messages or increasing anxiety or stress, to be fair I didn't always get it right but I tried. Listening to what people said about themselves and others, listening out for anything that was a bit out of character and following up in some way was vital. I guess it came down to knowing my team, staying aware and being available as well as encouraging networks where possible to provide support. 

Happy, healthy, resilient people play better
If you are involved in a team or social group of any description then this is a useful thought to keep in mind. Recently in our little township we went through quite an upheaval when a major employer in the district downsized significantly. This had an impact on our small group of volunteer parents at our local playcentre, and remaining mindful about that was vital in keeping things moving along and our children continuing to have a great time learning in a positive social environment. In order to do this checking in with people helped. Asking every so often asking how people were getting on and if they were OK helped, but listening helped most. It is great that we have a community of parents who ensured that people were supported and had someone to talk to. 
If everyone on the team is working to support the others then all can be at their best, it goes back to what a theatrical director of mine used to say (in fact she still does) that if everyone on stage is working to make everyone else look great then we will have a great performance. This is relates so beautifully to any team. 

Happy, healthy, resilient people behave better 
I have a three year old and he is amazing (of course I am biased). One of the things that makes him amazing is that when things are out of balance he will let me know, often it is behavioural rather than verbally stated. For example, when I have been on the computer for too long he will climb on my knee, pushing the laptop away and grab my face telling me to look at him. Now, at that time I have a choice, I can give him a little of what he needs to get back in balance or push him away. Pushing him away does not solve my problem nor does it resolve his. In this moment I can lean into connection, self-regulation is built through co-regulation, it's my job as the adult in the relationship to support his growth. This sometimes means putting down the computer for five minutes and having a tickle time. 
This does not only relate to children. If we are out of balance and our needs are going unmet even as adults we may act out. Potentially we act out in more subtle ways but it still impacts on our relationships. In the workplace we may find that people start gossiping, holding back information, undermining others, becoming aggressive or withdrawn, avoiding responsibility, missing deadlines, becoming unwell and the list goes on. Not really productive behaviours. At home we may see some of the same things, and again they won't help make a happy home. I am not suggesting that we need to instigate a tickle time policy for the workplace (although it could make it a whole lot more fun) but encouraging that instead of reacting to the behaviour of others first exploring why that behaviour is occurring. As someone once said 'all behaviour is communication'. 

Happy, healthy, resilient people lead better 
I know as leaders (at work, in social or community groups, in our homes) we need to be mindful of the needs of those around us but we also need to be aware of our own levels of health, happiness and resilience. Seeking support and guidance is not weakness, it is a key tool to build positive resilience. Taking a measure of your own wellbeing regularly will help you recognise when things are getting out of balance so you can act early rather than fall into a downward spiral of stress-overload, unnecessary mistakes, time mismanagement and increasing dismay. 
As followers, supporters, colleagues of leaders we also need to be mindful of where they are at as well. We want our leaders to be as well and strong as they can be, not in an aggressive manner, but in those skills that can make them a positive influence on our workplaces, community/social groups and homes. Often as a leader people don't ask you how you are, you are expected to be on form and if you are not then assumptions are made that may not be fair or reasonable. I go back to what I said earlier about all behaviour being communication... these leaders in our lives are people too and to have the opportunity to be able to be human and still respected really does make a difference. 

At the end of the day I guess this all boils down to communication and relationships. 
Forming positive relationships with those around you supports that sense of wellbeing. What makes individuals feel happy and healthy and resilient will differ, we are all unique after all, so being able to support those around you appropriately is key (or at least making an attempt to!) 
How we communicate is just as important as what we say, sometimes more so. Some people just need someone to listen to them, others want advice, some just want peace and quiet whist others may want to get out and about and do something new. Stephen Covey in his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People talks about communicating with loved ones and suggests that if we listen, empathise, appreciate and affirm then that will help. There are many ways to communicate, just be aware that the message you are sending is not always the message that is received so it is best to tune in to others, be mindful and truly connect. 

Four gifts from five generations

One of my previous posts was focused on modern teenagers and technology whilst drawing some parallels between generations as well. Moving on from that I figured that this was an opportunity to put some thoughts down on paper about strengths of generational age groups as we go forward in the technological age that we are living in.
We all have something to offer and for each of us it is important that we embrace the strengths of our own and other age groups. The five very general age groups I am looking at are: preschoolers, primary (elementary) aged children, teenagers/adolescents, adults and senior citizens.
These are some ideas to start a conversation about what each generation can offer and they come from my experience. I am writing from the perspective of an adult, a mother and a teacher... you may see it very differently and that is fantastic, please feel free to share your thoughts so we can learn from each other.

Preschoolers
I know being a mother of a preschooler I am reminded daily of how incredible the world is. When we go for a walk, we stop to marvel at tiny flowers or tall buildings, we don't rush. I will never forget watching my little boy learning to roll over, his determination through repeated failed attempts and his satisfaction when he mastered the skill just blew me away. When I feel like I am overwhelmed by all that needs to be done I find that he helps me to focus on what is important (usually him!) and reminds me of what being mindful is really about.

Strengths of our Preschoolers:

• they are born into this age, it is the only world they know so the adults in their lives can give them the confidence to explore and learn alongside them as they discover the wonders of their world
• they can show us about learning through failure and persistence
• they can teach us about living in the moment 
• they are one of the best representations of hope 

Primary (Elementary) School Children
I am a primary teacher by trade and have spent a lot of my adult life focused on the needs of this age group. As a general rule they are motivated learners. They come into our classrooms and want to please, they want to do well and we need to create risk-positive environments where mistakes are celebrated attempts on the way to success not just wrong or plain failures. There is opportunity to reinforce the values held by our communities. These children are more than capable of taking on responsibility and thrive from being trusted.

Strengths of  our Primary (Elementary) School Children:

• adults in their lives can walk alongside them, offering guidance to them and learning from them
• they are open to learning and we have the opportunity to reinforce positive/healthy mindsets  
• they have a strong sense of fairness so can help adults in their life stay true to their values  
• they have the potential to take positive action for their communities, especially when supported and trusted by adults in their lives 

Teenagers/Adolescents
As I spoke about in a previous post, this age group has enormous potential for impacting on our world. They have energy, enthusiasm and with encouragement can be incredibly creative. They are going through huge change (not only physiologically) and the support from positive friends, role models and adults in their lives can have a great impact on how well they negotiate all the changes they are faced with. They need to know that they have people in their corner whilst at the same time taking responsibility for their actions- positive and negative. They have a tendency to expand the possible potential benefits of a course of action and minimise the negative so need to have relationships with people who can help them unpack their choices and make more thoughtful decisions about the stuff that matters.

Strengths of our Teenagers/Adolescents:

• they are able to engage with the world in a whole variety of ways 
• they more likely to be daring, to take risks, and it is up to the adults and peers in their lives to help channel this enthusiasm towards healthy/responsible risks  
• they see the world in really interesting ways- adults can learn so much from them if they are able to bridge the gap through respect and genuine interest
• they have an innate desire to belong, creating and valuing opportunities to connect with others is important 

Adults
Adults are leaders within our nuclear families, our communities, and in the workforce (as a general rule). They can enable growth and change or block it, they can empower by responding positively to the needs of our children and youth. In our schools the adults are usually the decision makers and have the opportunity to be lead learners. Adults have an enormous responsibility to walk the talk and live their values, not only because it is the right thing to do but also because you never know who is watching and learning from what you do.

Strengths of our Adults:

• they can share important values by living them, they can create an environment of acceptance for our young and old 
• they are aware of the shifts and changes happening in our world and can help support others as they learn to cope with change 
• they are in a great position to offer guidance to our young people to help them navigate their world 
• they are often leaders of families and communities so are in a prime position to ensure that the voices of our youth and elders are heard 

Senior Citizens
In some western cultures, like in New Zealand, I don't think we always honour the gifts that our senior citizens offer us. Some of our elders have seen the best and worst of humanity over our recent history, they have seen enormous change, they know the stories of our past... they can teach us so much about where we come from so we can relate that to where we might be going. They are able to teach us about the values that are important to our communities.

Strengths of our Senior Citizens:

• they have wisdom to share (so do our children) 
• they have seen change and turmoil, they have a valuable perspective 
• they can help us uphold important community/cultural values 
• they can mentor our young by embracing their energy and enthusiasm and demonstrating a willingness to keep on learning 

Do you think you are better than everyone else? A short story.

When I was at primary school there was an incident that has stayed with me for a long time, just over 30 years in fact. It shows the power of the spoken word and the power of those in positions of power to influence the people they work with.

I was one of those kids that loved learning, heck I still do, and I was always looking to stretch myself, again I still do. One day when I must've been about 11 years old, I had completed some work earlier than my classmates, I had checked it and then waited in line to ask my teacher if I could please have some more work. The response from my teacher was less than supportive, in fact the response was a loud (enough to silence the rest of my classmates) "so you think you are better than everyone else?" I was horrified. That was not what I meant at all, I just wanted some more work to keep myself busy and tried to explain that in a quiet voice but to no avail. I didn't get any more work, all I got was humiliated and shamed. Obviously this has not scarred me for life in terms of my love of learning but it is a refrain that from time to time has popped up when I am vulnerable.

So you think you are better than everyone else? What does a comment like that imply? Well to me it said, don't excel. Beware the tall poppy. You are not as good as you think you are. It also said I can't be bothered dealing with you as an individual, be like everyone else. Be smaller. Be quiet. Suppress your needs. Be good but not too good, work hard but not too hard unless you are working hard to fit in. For goodness sake don't be you!

I have been really blessed to have pursued the career of my choice, to have met amazing people, to have learned from them and I have had opportunities to take on roles that I never thought I was capable of. I have had great champions in my life. However sometimes when I have had a chance to step up and do something new or take on a leadership role or step into a challenging situation where I have to stand up for something I believe in, there is that little voice that goes "so you think you are better than everyone else?" And then that voice, if it gets a hold, follows up with "what if they see that you are really not that good?" A classic case of imposter syndrome! Has this stopped me following my dreams? Not really, but I believe it has supported an overly well developed sense of self doubt which can be challenging to manage in times of weakness.

Why tell you this story? Simply because it illustrates the power we have to influence others through what we say and do. I am pretty sure that this particular teacher will have no recollection of this moment at all, it would just be another exchange in what would total millions over a teaching career I imagine. I am sure his intention was not to harm, just get me out of his face so he could work with the rest of the class, perhaps he was stressed. We all have times where we say something we shouldn't have, I know I have regrets about comments I have made in the past. Mindfulness and being in the moment should reduce the reactive comments and, if we do make a mistake, allow us the presence to apologise and make amends in a timely fashion.

The take home message for teachers (and anyone who lives or works with children and young people) is to be mindful of what you are saying, you have tremendous potential to impact on the lives of the young people you live or work with and you never know when there is a pivotal moment happening. Shaming is simply not a good way to manage behaviour. And the same message goes to the adults in the room, particularly those in positions of authority or power, remember that the words you use have potential to help or harm as well. There are a few specific incidents from my adult life that I recall where it almost felt as though I had gone back in time and again I am standing in that moment of shame in the classroom, "so you think you're better than everyone else?" I have reacted by trying to be smaller, stand out less and fit in with the group which is not the most proactive position to be in and has rendered me fairly ineffective in that moment.

Over time I have learned that I have the ultimate power as to whether that nasty little voice of self doubt and shame gets heard or not. Again, I am blessed to have had the opportunities to read and learn and reflect. I am also lucky to have other refrains from my life that counter that nasty voice, it is amazing which voice is the most easily heard in times of stress or strain though.

What are the refrains that you hear over again from your past? Do they help you or harm you? Which ones deserve a hearing and which ones need to be silenced or at least reduced to a faint whisper?

Our words can lift or lower, can hurt or heal, can empower or suppress, can create greatness or squash it... I hope today is a day of uplifting words, thoughts and deeds for you and the people you engage with. What an amazing difference it could make to the world if we all took on that challenge!

Stress and the brain

So lately I seem to have seen and read a bit about stress, the brain and development. This is something that I have been interested in for a long time as a health educator, teacher and leader. 

From my understanding, experience and learning it would appear that the brain learns and thinks better in a calm and happy place ... not really new news at all. Glenn Capelli describes it beautifully and simply in his Magic Brain model where the brain is divided into three main rooms; a blue thinking room, a multi-coloured feeling room, and the red room of fight flight or freeze. Fear and stress takes us into the red room and shuts the doors to the other rooms so our brain has really limited options, in fact it can just react to the threat. (For more information check out the Thinking Learning Classroom by Glenn Capelli and Sean Brealey.) This is supported by other research- click here for another clip from the ChildTrauma Academy Channel that explains impact of stress on brain functioning really well. 

I think this is important knowledge for us when working with others and also in our own self mastery. 

• As a teacher, if you are working with parents or children in a stressful situation then they may be operating more from the red room. 
• As an employer, if you have an employee who has suffered a loss or is coping with change then they may be operating more from the red room. 
• As a parent, if your child is having problems at school, not fitting in, struggling with the work or dealing with bullying and feeling powerless, they too may be operating from the red room. 
• If you are under stress, you too may be operating from the red room more. And if we are thinking from the red room then we are more likely to react than respond. 

For those of us in leadership positions (in our work, in a classroom, in our families) I suggest this awareness could have a powerful impact on our behaviour and therefore those around us. I spoke in an earlier blog about Celia Lashlie suggesting that we need to sit alongside those we are working with, to empathise, to be prepared to enter into their reality and then to show moral courage ... we need to step back from our own place of judgement and make it safe for people so they can open the doors to feel more widely and then be able to think more clearly and perhaps then come to their own solutions around the stressful situations they are living with. This approach could then lead to greater resilience through a knowledge that they are capable, which in turn helps them escape the red room of limited options and potentially be more able to reach their own potential. 

This understanding also impacts on the environment we create, our learning, home or work environment. If it is one of fear or stress or condemnation then it is likely to produce more red room responses- a quote about teaching that I like goes along the lines that "it is that the teacher dictates the weather in the classroom" ... I think this applies in all situations where we are leading. 

Below is the quote by Haim Ginott which I have seen in several school staff rooms. I wonder what would happen if we each took this on board, knowing that we can make a difference to those around us and their thinking potential and by doing so also help ourselves? (Wee tip: try exchanging workplace/home for classroom, leader for teacher etc)  

I have come to a frightening conclusion.
I am the decisive element in the classroom.
It is my personal approach that creates the climate.
It is my daily mood that makes the weather.
As a teacher I possess tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous.
I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.
I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.
In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis
will be escalated or de-escalated, and a child humanized or de-humanized.

Between Teacher and Child

Leadership- persuasion and influence

Lately I have been doing a short course on Leadership through Open2Study. As an aside Open2Study is a great way to start thinking about a range of topics, I am becoming a wee bit of a fan of MOOCs.
As part of my learning I have had the opportunity to explore and reflect on leadership. One of the questions we were asked was what were some of the behaviours of leaders who have influenced you that made them persuasive. Now I am privileged to have had more than one really great leader to reflect on and so this was the list I came up with:

• they were clear about what they were there for
• they listened to the group- created opportunities for people to share 
• they made the final decision
• they kept people informed and aware of varying influences but not overwhelmed with it
• they knew their people and ensured that those who had influence within the group were well informed to ensure communications were consistent 
• they took the big hits- protected their team
• they shared the glory and celebrated success
• they were available to those they were leading so issues or concerns could be discussed privately or as a group 
• they were well informed and constantly improving their own knowledge and understanding and shared new learnings 
• they were good at identifying people's strengths and utilised them well 
• they grew people, encouraged them to flourish 

This is by no means an exhaustive list, for example I haven't considered their engagement with the external environment. I know that at first glance some items may not immediately relate to persuasion but my thinking is that these qualities allowed them to be persuasive as they created trust and loyalty from the team. 

In the past I have seen influence/persuasion in leadership as sometimes manipulation of a position of power. But power is not necessarily a bad thing... there is a Maori whakatauki that goes like this: E kore te totara e tu noa ke te parae engari me tu ki roto i te wao. The totara is not found growing in open country but only in the heart of the forest. I believe this alludes to a leader being found with their people, surrounded and supported by them to grow strong, therefore the leader finds power from the group in order to lead the group. I guess that it is a symbiotic relationship- the leader provides guidance and collective vision and the group provides support and confidence to enable the leader to do just that. 

Leadership opportunities are to be found in many places- whanau (family), in a classroom, in a sports team, social groups, playcentre, at all levels of organisations and businesses and so many more... that being the case, who we are as a leader is well worth considering.