Follow your bliss

So here’s a big question… what is your passion? 

Some people know what their passion is inherently, some people have it recognised in them by others, and some people stumble upon it in the course of their lives. You might know when you are there because it feels right, you feel like you belong, it's almost like you have come home, you might feel connected to something bigger than yourself, time may even move differently... some call it being in the zone, in flow or in your element.

I am reading The Element by Sir Ken Robinson with Lou Aronica at the moment... and along with some other things I have been reading and viewing lately it really has got me thinking about passion and what following your bliss might look like.

Have you ever seen the Pixar movie Ratatouille? If you are looking at a child friendly way of describing what living your passion could look like this might be a good start. This little rat discovers he has a thing for cooking, through a bit of a journey he ends up fulfilling his passion. To get there he needed help from others and at times he had to ask for it, he needed perseverance, he needed to be flexible and use obstacles as opportunities to stretch himself but still in the direction of his passion, he needed self belief, he needed to keep improving and innovating... and in the end he got to be the best little chef he could be. And although this sounds hard, it wasn’t all a chore because he was passionate about it.

Living your passion, following your bliss, finding your element... however you choose to look at it, is not always a straight and easy path. Depending on our circumstances, even in ideal situations, we are likely not living our bliss 100% of the time. I love being a mum but washing dirty nappies, doing housework and sleepless nights would not be top of my personal passions list. :) So living your passion is not about everything being perfect. Some people may not have a job they love but they need the work and so this is not necessarily about chucking in your job, it's about identifying what it is that lights you up and finding ways to fulfil that part of yourself. The neat thing is when you do get to that place, even in a small way, it has a habit of brightening up everything else that you do… like my love for our wee man makes the housework less of a chore, and as he gets older we can do it together and it’s almost truly enjoyable.

Let’s try a theatrical analogy… if you imagine that we are all performers in our own play then our passion/bliss/element could be the play itself- what would your passion play be called I wonder? We can perform this play on any number of stages... it could be in our work, it might be a hobby... it could be something we have done since we were very young, something we pick up along the way or something we are inspired to do in our old age. The character may change over the years i.e. we may be an active gymnast as a child/teen, a coach at some stage, an administrator at another, an avid fan and viewer in another. Performing our passion is pretty variable I guess.

For me so far I have had a few stages to perform on. I always wanted to be a teacher and taught in a regular classroom full time for seven years. Although I look back now and know that there were things I could’ve done better, I know I did the best I could at the time with what I knew and I loved my time in the classroom. I didn’t think there was anything else for me. How wrong was I? In moving to Life Ed I discovered a new tribe that I belonged to, like-minded people that believed in a beautiful philosophy and wanted to make a difference. Opportunities presented themselves and although my role shifted and changed during my work there, my passion for the organisation never waned, indeed it was what sustained me in the stressful times.

Thirteen years later my time with the organisation has ended and although it was the right time to step back, I ask myself so what now? Where is my passion? Is it still teaching I wonder? I went to a meeting recently and said that I wasn’t a teacher anymore but one of the other attendees challenged me saying that just because I wasn’t in a school classroom didn’t mean I wasn’t a teacher. He was right, when you look up synonyms for teacher we have words like coach, trainer, guide, mentor which are all words that feel right.

When I think back to times when I have felt in the zone or in my element they are times when I have been in a classroom humming and buzzing with my class, when I have been on stage, when I have seen a student, colleague or friend grow and develop, when I am singing with others, when I am presenting, when I am meeting people…

So recently I have been reflecting on what is the glue that ties these things together to quantify what my passion is. Firstly I think it is about connecting with other people and telling a story or creating something together. And it is also about inspiring and influencing others, with the ultimate hope of creating positive change.  

Clearly I still have work to do but that’s OK. I am not in a hurry. We can have more than one passion, we have a whole life to live and so there is space and time. It does not need to be forced but it is well worth having our minds and hearts open so we know when we are there and can really enjoy it. Perhaps this is another way that mindfulness is our friend?

When were you last in the zone? If you have a moment it can be lovely to remember and reflect. What is your passion or are your passions? And how do you express these? It would be great to hear about what your bliss is and how you follow it if you want to comment below. I know I find other people's stories really inspiring :) 
 
I'll close with another one of my favourite quotes, introduced to me by a semi blind cartoonist who wrote it with purple vivid marker on my palm... 'Follow your Bliss' by Joseph Campbell. I hope that at some time on this journey you get to do this.  

Bravo to the brain

A little celebration  

It's been a few days since I last posted, instead of writing I have been reading! One of the books I have read recently is called In Search of my Father by Dr Helena Popovic, if you are interested in appreciating your brain, keeping it young and wanting an easy read then I'd recommend reading this. So the beauty of the human brain is my inspiration for today's post.

Our brain is about 2% of of our body weight and yet uses about 20% of the energy we consume. Food+Oxygen=Energy so what we breathe and eat is important to the brain. There are numerous experts and much research that supports dietary effects on the brain. As a classroom teacher it was obvious that for some of my little ones not having breakfast was making things harder than they needed to be so I used to have some peanut butter sandwiches available for a couple of them in the mornings just in case and it made an observable difference for their learning (obviously we had no peanut allergies in my class at the time!). Trying to think hard on an empty or poorly fed stomach is a little like pushing an empty car along the highway, sure you can get there eventually but it is going to take you a lot longer and be a whole lot harder than it needs to be.

Now, we are born with about 100 billion brain cells and over our life time they make trillions and trillions of connections. Every new experience is more connections... every time we learn something, every time we feel something there are more connections. More connections are made in our earlier years than at any other particular time in our lifespan which is why there is so much emphasis on the power of early childhood experience, bonding with significant adults and having a positive start to life.

For us older folk one great thing about the brain is this wonderful thing called plasticity- it means that the brain is changeable. In fact it continues to change and make new connections throughout our lives. Despite early childhood experiences or disasterous school records our brains are capable of change and developing new ways of thinking. We are not only a product of our past, we are also a product of every thought we have, every interpersonal connection we have and everything we do.

It is said that 5% of our brain is our conscious mind which means that the other 95% is subconscious. This is one reason why sticking to goals can be a challenge for some of us. As Cath Vincent says, if the subconscious doesn't agree with what our conscious mind has decided then it will hijack our conscious plans. A classic example is my planning to skydive to celebrate my 33rd birthday. I am a little afraid of heights (well more of the stop at the bottom to be fair, but you know what I mean) so thought this would be a real challenge and on completion a great self esteem booster (provided I survived the landing of course!). However I never booked a ticket and then got pneumonia so decided that was the universe telling me not to go there... on reflection however I am pretty sure my subconscious was adamant that we weren't throwing it out of any plane therefore the rest of me would be grounded as well. So how do we deal with this if it is something we really want to do or value? I guess awareness is a good place to start and then, as Cath suggests, making small changes to convince that subconscious that what our conscious has planned is actually not a bad idea after all.

There is so much we can do to help our brain perform at it's peak, and some of this I have talked about in previous posts (Bouncing Back, Filling Up Tanks). A rule of thumb is if something is helpful for the body, most of the time it will be helpful for the brain. There are a plethora of websites and youtube videos celebrating the brain, if you are curious (and that is a great way to be) I suggest that you do a bit of surfing and have fun learning about your brilliant brain :)

Curiosity is one of the most permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.

Samuel Johnson

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/curiosity.html#bGvjQP1FoxOk0poW.99

A little aside at the end of the week...

Something lighter tonight, a little whimsey perhaps... 

The other day I missed my flight to Auckland (my mistake entirely) so I had to re-book, for a fee of course! When I arrived at my destination the car rental agency took a good thirty minutes to pick me up from the airport and then it was another forty-five minutes waiting at their office to get the car that I had pre-booked. All part of the adventure of travelling and getting upset about it wouldn't change things so largely I just took it as an opportunity to practice patience (and for those of you who don't know me, I can do with the practice!) But this experience did get me thinking about frustration. 

Frustration is described as the feeling of being upset or annoyed as a result of being unable to change or achieve something. Frustration sounds so negative but isn't that just the connotation we put on the word? We create the unfavourable meaning and really it is subjective, it is about how we feel when we are unable to do or get what we want. I don't think frustration is all bad. I'd even say that poor old frustration has been given a bad rap. 

It is said that necessity is the mother of invention but, if not a synonym for necessity, I would pose that frustration is a very close relative- I am no wordsmith but personally I think that necessity is just a slightly more positive turn of phrase. Frustration can lead to creativity, innovation and discovery. Babies can discover their world and their abilities through frustration. Think about why we learn to crawl and walk, it is to do with wanting to reach something or get somewhere that we can't from being stuck in the one spot where we were put. And look at how the world opens up when we master those gross motor functions... there are pot cupboards and pet food bowls and so much more to be explored. It allows us to more fully engage in our world. And we go on from there. 

As we grow we have a choice when faced with frustrating times, we can remain in the negative space of frustration, like being stuck in the spot where we are put, or use the frustration positively to propel us forward into a new way of doing, thinking or being. 

And if you think about it there are a whole lot of other words and phrases that we can use to our detriment or advantage depending on the meaning we place on them. Do you have any that come to mind? I'd love to hear them. 

Thanks again for your feedback and support as I am starting this writing journey, it is a great learning experience. 

Listening to Learn or is it Learning to Listen

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”  ~Ralph Nichols

A bit of a sideways step this time as listening seems to be a topic that has been presented to me in various ways in the last week or so. I have been writing this on and off over the last few days so I hope it makes sense.

Have you heard the following statement before?

Often people are not really listening, just waiting for their turn to speak

Have you experienced conversations like this? You know, where we seem to be talking at cross purposes. I am thinking many of us have and I would imagine that perhaps a few of us may have been the impatient one wanting their turn!

I know that my impulsivity sometimes has me jumping in during a conversation before I pause to absorb, I know at times I get excited and want to share my great idea or current thought before the other person has finished… so this is a real work in progress for me. I know learning ‘wait time’ made me a better teacher and I hope a better friend. I also know when I manage my impulsivity and attend to the conversation it is amazing how the questions come naturally, how much I learn about the other person, and myself. One of my favourite things is meeting new people and hearing about their world, I have had amazing conversations with fellow passengers on planes (I know this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea!) and taxi drivers and people I meet whilst waiting in line. Even though I rarely meet them again my world is richer for the conversations we have had.

"Listening looks easy, but it's not simple. Every head is a world." — Cuban Proverb

  

For me real listening is about the other person. It has the potential to solve arguments before they start (how often does a conflict arise that is based around miscommunication?) The fine art of listening is sometimes hearing what isn't said, a bit like reading between the lines (but please make sure you check in to see if you are right!) Feeling really heard has the capacity to fill our tanks and improve our sense of wellbeing and worth. Listening is reciprocal- both parties gain from the dialogue, I often learn from you when I actively tune in.

I figure that real listening demands for a short time that we are living in the moment, alongside the person we are listening to, with mind and heart open. We hear them and help them tell their story, by honestly being there. The questions we ask are genuine and not designed to meet our agenda but theirs- sometimes they don’t even know their agenda and being listened to helps them discover it. Celia Lashlie spoke about this at the Teachers Matter conference earlier this year when suggesting that if we want to help people in crisis we need to stop looking at our watches and computers and other assorted gadgets, stop believing we know the answer and know better, and instead focus on the other person, step inside their bubble and hear their truth. I couldn’t agree more.

"Silence is a source of great strength." — Lao Tzu

I am currently doing a course on the Habits of Mind (with KarenBoyes from Spectrum Education- useful personally and professionally) and one of the areas we have been focusing on is pausing, paraphrasing and probing. Very briefly here is the strategy as I understand it:

·        Pausing allows the speaker space to think and speak clearly, they may continue speaking and go deeper than they would normally. Pausing also allows the listener the opportunity to reflect on what they have heard.

·        Paraphrasing is when the listener tells the speaker what they have heard and checks in to see that they have got it right. Paraphrasing gives the speaker a chance to reflect on what they have spoken about and clarify any misconceptions.

·        Probing is when the listener asks questions to get greater clarity about the problem or learn more about the other person and their perspective. Through answering questions the speaker may come to new understandings or greater clarity, they may discover solutions that were hiding inside them. 

This strategy fits with various coaching models including John Shackleton’s method (Inspire Your Team is a practical guide that is easy to read and well worth the effort) and Jan Robertson's Coaching Leadership (another great book especially designed for school setting but the process could transfer well I think). The BIG thing that comes through is that listening is pivotal to building great teams, working with others, contributing to the wellbeing of others and helping people build resiliency (their can-do-ness!).

What a terrific gift to give another person… a little of your time and energy. Thank you for listening to me by reading this, please feel free to send through questions and comments and we can have a conversation :)  

"The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer."— Henry David Thoreau

Resources: 

John Shackleton- Inspire Your Team 

Jan Roberston- Coaching Leadership 

Habits of Mind Course 

And for those of you who are looking for a longer quote, just in case, I thought I would share this with you too :)

"To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. You listen not only to the 'music,' but to the essence of the person speaking. You listen not only for what someone knows, but for what he or she is. Ears operate at the speed of sound, which is far slower than the speed of light the eyes take in. Generative listening is the art of developing deeper silences in yourself, so you can slow our mind’s hearing to your ears’ natural speed, and hear beneath the words to their meaning."

— Peter Senge

Filling up tanks

My last post was focused on resilience and I finished with a comment about kindness to others being a great way to support their resilience so this post sort of comes from that... please forgive me if I repeat myself a little from previous posts but a lot of this knits together- it is like weaving a tapestry of thoughts and ideas really.  

In order for us to respond at our best our brains need to be able to work at their best. Our brains are the most amazing chemical factories, producing the chemicals that help our cells communicate and make us think, feel and do. Some of these chemicals aid memory, create feelings of relaxation or joy, support our decision making skills and so forth. Now it's like these chemicals are stored in little tanks at the end of brain cells and as different chemicals are needed a small amount is released, the message is passed on and the thought, memory, feeling or action happens (or not as the case may be but we won't go into that here). Some of the chemical may be returned to its tank after use but not all and not always so the brain is constantly making more... and the brilliant thing is we can help our brain fill up those tanks. Not only that, we can help fill other people's tanks too. 

Our positive behaviours have a huge impact on brain function and supporting the filling of our tanks. Fulfilling basic needs is a great start- drinking water, breathing clean fresh air, eating a balanced diet with plenty of fruit and veg, getting enough sleep, exercise and positive contact with others. Add to this managing our stress, feeling safe where we live, go to school or work, laughter, connecting with nature, giving, helping others, learning something new, taking responsible risks, moments of success, acts of kindness, getting out of your comfort zone, practicing gratitude, setting goals, having good things to look forward to, listening to music, being creative... I am sure you get the picture.    

I maintain that one of the most important positive relationships we need to foster is the one we have with ourselves. What we say to ourselves is really important. The brain is amazing and works really hard to make what we think and feel become real so if we call ourselves 'dumb' or 'stupid' then the brain will look for ways to reinforce that. I figure that our brain is just trying to make us feel that we are right. And the more we say something the harder the brain will work to make it true. So it stands to reason that breaking the habit of negative self talk and replacing it with a new positive self talk habit is a good idea. 

I was given a copy of the poem Truth by a group of students in Ranfurly a long time ago when we were talking about what we say and the difference we can make to someone else, it is something I have always remembered and I think it is well worth finishing with this. What we hear said about us and to us can help us frame our own self talk so we need to be mindful, especially with our children. Words are powerful and they can fill or empty someone's tanks including your own... words are powerful, kindness is key, use your power wisely and your kindness freely. 

Truth
By Barrie Wade (he is a poet and author, click here for a link to a couple of his books)

Sticks and stones may break my bones, 
but words can also hurt me. 
Stones and sticks break only skin, 
while words are ghosts that haunt me. 

Slant and curved the word-swords fall
to pierce and stick inside me. 
Bats and bricks may ache through bones,
but words can mortify me.

Pain from words has left its scar
on mind and heart that’s tender. 
Cuts and bruises now have healed;
it’s words that I remember. 


Some resources that might be useful for you: 
The Neurological Foundation of NZ has a great poster to reinforce some brain healthy behaviours, click here for a copy to print and the Mental Health Foundation of NZ has these resources for printing as well.   

Bouncing Back

Bouncing back

I believe resilience is vital to wellbeing and have been really interested in this for a long time so thought I'd share some thoughts today. 

Andrew Fuller (http://www.andrewfuller.com.au) describes resilience as the “happy knack of being able to bungy jump through the pitfalls of life.” I quite like this description for a number of reasons, and not only because I enjoy Andrew Fuller’s work. Three key phrases from this statement are:  

Happy knack- implies a positive sense of self efficacy, a can-do-ness vibe (I know that isn’t a real word but I think it should be)

Bungy jump- is about bouncing back but I think we are often changed in some way as we know experience changes brain circuitry 

Pitfalls of life- without the ups and downs of life we would be flatlined (a.k.a. dead) so highs and lows are not always a bad thing, they can help us to grow and learn and keep life interesting 

Resilience is not something that can be given to people, it can't be taught per se, there isn't a one size fits all and it is not a constant. Our resilience levels shift and change depending on our experience, circumstances, our own health and the events happening around us at a given time.

Resilience to me is about having tools or options for when times are tough or things go wrong.  

If we see resilience as a bit of a toolbox or kete (basket) then the greater variety of tools we have access to then we are better able to be resilient. As an example, my father passed away four years ago, through the grief process I have realised there were times when I would naturally go to dad for support, he was part of my toolbox, and now that he wasn't there I had to find other ways to help myself bounce back. This impacted on my sense of resilience as I needed to develop new strategies at the same time as coping with a major loss.  

The pitfalls of life are not always something to be avoided. In fact through adversity our sense of resiliency can sometimes be strengthened, if we get through a tough time we may be able to breed a stronger sense of can-do-ness, an “I can cope” mentality.

A little aside about pitfalls is that what my 40+ years worth of experience calls adversity will be different to my 3 year old’s perspective and it will also be different to my 40+ year old friends and colleagues as well. So, as a teacher, if I have a 5 year old who has lost a pencil and is upset I need to acknowledge that I don’t know what his/her experience of loss is. We now have an opportunity to help him/her identify or develop tools so in future s/he may be better prepared to cope with a similar loss. 

Also the tools that work for me may well be different to those that work for someone else and tools used in the past may not work as well for future adversity or alternatively may provide a platform to build from depending on the circumstance. As I said earlier, it is not a one-size-fits-all thing.

So what does your toolbox look like?

If we were a builder we wouldn’t turn up to a job with only a hammer, we would have a range of tools available, just in case. Like the builder I think that we need to have a range of tools to help us in times of stress and it is best that the majority of these tools are packed before we are faced with a serious situation so pretending/role play, rehearsing, discussing what ifs, reading about things and establishing positive healthy habits may all help. There is also the role of prior experience e.g. having changed roles in the past I am more aware of the impact of this sort of significant change and am better able to cope this time round.

We know that the brain works better when stress is handled well, our can-do-ness will come in to play when we are able to access our brain’s higher functions (see my previous post re brain and stress)  so it makes sense that those things that help to open the doors could be good tools for a starter:

• ·         Balanced diet – think about fresh fruit and veg and minimising takeaways and sweet treats
• ·         Exercise and stretching
• ·         Adequate sleep
• ·         Love/kindness
• ·         Positive relationships
• ·         Sense of belonging/connectedness  
• ·         Sense of purpose
• ·         Doing something to help someone else
• ·         Ensuring you are hydrated (water is best by the way!)
• ·         Breathing
• ·         Practicing gratitude
• ·         Time out
• ·         Positive self talk/affirmations
• ·         Connecting with nature
• ·         The things that you do that fill your soul…

What other items would you add to this list?

Please note: I believe those tools that are used regularly are more likely to be those that we use when we need them, so the more we practice every day the better prepared we are for those tough times.  

Just as a little parting thought as I know I have talked a lot about us as individuals in this post... if our default attitude with others is one of kindness then I believe we have the power to potentially have a positive impact on someone's resiliency, especially if they are in one of those pitfalls. Stay aware because we never know who we might be influencing.   

You are not Atlas carrying the world...

So it has been quite a few days since I last posted, I haven't been idle... the brain has been working away at a few things. 

One thing that has taken my fancy was a little quote that I came upon in a book store recently. Vandana Shiva, the philosopher said 'You are not Atlas carrying the world on your shoulder. It is good to remember that the planet is carrying you.'

There are a few ideas that spin from this for me, I apologise in advance for the meandering nature of this post. 

Firstly, it takes me back to thinking about leadership. We, as leaders, may have to shoulder more responsibility at times but that does not mean that the burden is all ours to carry. Indeed if we are the only ones invested in a positive outcome then there is something wrong and I would suggest we need to step back and take a good look at ourselves and those around us.

How do we engender that sense of shared responsibility (and this can be in our families, in our work, in a social or service group or in a classroom)? Here are a few ideas for a starter: 

1. Does everyone agree in what we are there to do? 
2. Does everyone believe in what we are doing? 
3. Do they know what their role is? Do they want to perform that role? Do they have the skills to perform that role? 
4. What does success look like to each person involved? How will they know they have succeeded with the mission? 
5. What turns them on and what switches them off? How can you find out? Think about the environment they are working in, how they like to be rewarded or recognised, where they get their energy from etc 

What else would you add to this list? 

Going back to the quote, another part that I take from this relating to leadership is the importance of nurturing yourself and realising you do not have to always be switched on and making things happen. Celia Lashlie talked about the importance of tending to your own soul to help you to fulfill the mission of giving your best to those you work with (although she was talking about teachers and children I see this relates to other leadership situations), in fact she went as far as to say if you don't look after yourself you will bleed out and potentially become soulless in your work. And we don't want to go there! So, how do you nurture yourself? As Celia asked at the Teachers Matter Conference this year, what boundaries do you put in place so you can replenish your soul? 

On a personal note, I have recently taken myself out of the rat race for a few weeks and have found that there was so much happening that I was simply missing because I was so wound up and go, go, go all the time. I was passionate about what I was doing, that was how I sustained it for so long, but I wasn't mindful enough to nurture myself. Once I had finished my previous role, for a short time, I just stopped and rested. Then as I started myself up again I have found I am able to access creative thought more easily, that I am more self reflective, that I am able to focus better, that I am achieving greater clarity, seeing more opportunities and I am more comfortable taking risks. I know I am lucky to have had this window of time to nurture myself but am now very aware of the merits of making this a priority going forward. 

It is said that engaging with nature is one of the most nurturing things you can do, and I have to say a few days camping near a lake with little technology but good conversation and plenty of fresh air works wonders. So the final insight that I have taken from the quote above is that if we connect to nature then it is easier for the planet to support us. Simple things like... eating food that is grown, nurturing a plant, growing our own food, walking in the bush, forest or a park, having a picnic on the grass, visiting a river or a beach, going swimming in a lake or the sea, fishing, picking apples... well the list is probably endless! These little actions show that in making a simple connection with nature our souls can be filled at the same time. How simply wonderful is that? 

I am sure that there are many more insights that could be taken from this statement, if you wish please feel free to share yours. 

Remember, you are not alone and the burdens you carry are not yours alone. 

'You are not Atlas carrying the world on your shoulder. It is good to remember that the planet is carrying you.' Vandana Shiva