My last post was focused on resilience and I finished with a comment about kindness to others being a great way to support their resilience so this post sort of comes from that... please forgive me if I repeat myself a little from previous posts but a lot of this knits together- it is like weaving a tapestry of thoughts and ideas really.
In order for us to respond at our best our brains need to be able to work at their best. Our brains are the most amazing chemical factories, producing the chemicals that help our cells communicate and make us think, feel and do. Some of these chemicals aid memory, create feelings of relaxation or joy, support our decision making skills and so forth. Now it's like these chemicals are stored in little tanks at the end of brain cells and as different chemicals are needed a small amount is released, the message is passed on and the thought, memory, feeling or action happens (or not as the case may be but we won't go into that here). Some of the chemical may be returned to its tank after use but not all and not always so the brain is constantly making more... and the brilliant thing is we can help our brain fill up those tanks. Not only that, we can help fill other people's tanks too.
Our positive behaviours have a huge impact on brain function and supporting the filling of our tanks. Fulfilling basic needs is a great start- drinking water, breathing clean fresh air, eating a balanced diet with plenty of fruit and veg, getting enough sleep, exercise and positive contact with others. Add to this managing our stress, feeling safe where we live, go to school or work, laughter, connecting with nature, giving, helping others, learning something new, taking responsible risks, moments of success, acts of kindness, getting out of your comfort zone, practicing gratitude, setting goals, having good things to look forward to, listening to music, being creative... I am sure you get the picture.
I maintain that one of the most important positive relationships we need to foster is the one we have with ourselves. What we say to ourselves is really important. The brain is amazing and works really hard to make what we think and feel become real so if we call ourselves 'dumb' or 'stupid' then the brain will look for ways to reinforce that. I figure that our brain is just trying to make us feel that we are right. And the more we say something the harder the brain will work to make it true. So it stands to reason that breaking the habit of negative self talk and replacing it with a new positive self talk habit is a good idea.
I was given a copy of the poem Truth by a group of students in Ranfurly a long time ago when we were talking about what we say and the difference we can make to someone else, it is something I have always remembered and I think it is well worth finishing with this. What we hear said about us and to us can help us frame our own self talk so we need to be mindful, especially with our children. Words are powerful and they can fill or empty someone's tanks including your own... words are powerful, kindness is key, use your power wisely and your kindness freely.
Truth
By Barrie Wade (he is a poet and author, click here for a link to a couple of his books)
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words can also hurt me.
Stones and sticks break only skin,
while words are ghosts that haunt me.
Slant and curved the word-swords fall
to pierce and stick inside me.
Bats and bricks may ache through bones,
but words can mortify me.
Pain from words has left its scar
on mind and heart that’s tender.
Cuts and bruises now have healed;
it’s words that I remember.
Some resources that might be useful for you:
The Neurological Foundation of NZ has a great poster to reinforce some brain healthy behaviours, click here for a copy to print and the Mental Health Foundation of NZ has these resources for printing as well.
In order for us to respond at our best our brains need to be able to work at their best. Our brains are the most amazing chemical factories, producing the chemicals that help our cells communicate and make us think, feel and do. Some of these chemicals aid memory, create feelings of relaxation or joy, support our decision making skills and so forth. Now it's like these chemicals are stored in little tanks at the end of brain cells and as different chemicals are needed a small amount is released, the message is passed on and the thought, memory, feeling or action happens (or not as the case may be but we won't go into that here). Some of the chemical may be returned to its tank after use but not all and not always so the brain is constantly making more... and the brilliant thing is we can help our brain fill up those tanks. Not only that, we can help fill other people's tanks too.
Our positive behaviours have a huge impact on brain function and supporting the filling of our tanks. Fulfilling basic needs is a great start- drinking water, breathing clean fresh air, eating a balanced diet with plenty of fruit and veg, getting enough sleep, exercise and positive contact with others. Add to this managing our stress, feeling safe where we live, go to school or work, laughter, connecting with nature, giving, helping others, learning something new, taking responsible risks, moments of success, acts of kindness, getting out of your comfort zone, practicing gratitude, setting goals, having good things to look forward to, listening to music, being creative... I am sure you get the picture.
I maintain that one of the most important positive relationships we need to foster is the one we have with ourselves. What we say to ourselves is really important. The brain is amazing and works really hard to make what we think and feel become real so if we call ourselves 'dumb' or 'stupid' then the brain will look for ways to reinforce that. I figure that our brain is just trying to make us feel that we are right. And the more we say something the harder the brain will work to make it true. So it stands to reason that breaking the habit of negative self talk and replacing it with a new positive self talk habit is a good idea.
I was given a copy of the poem Truth by a group of students in Ranfurly a long time ago when we were talking about what we say and the difference we can make to someone else, it is something I have always remembered and I think it is well worth finishing with this. What we hear said about us and to us can help us frame our own self talk so we need to be mindful, especially with our children. Words are powerful and they can fill or empty someone's tanks including your own... words are powerful, kindness is key, use your power wisely and your kindness freely.
Truth
By Barrie Wade (he is a poet and author, click here for a link to a couple of his books)
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words can also hurt me.
Stones and sticks break only skin,
while words are ghosts that haunt me.
Slant and curved the word-swords fall
to pierce and stick inside me.
Bats and bricks may ache through bones,
but words can mortify me.
Pain from words has left its scar
on mind and heart that’s tender.
Cuts and bruises now have healed;
it’s words that I remember.
Some resources that might be useful for you:
The Neurological Foundation of NZ has a great poster to reinforce some brain healthy behaviours, click here for a copy to print and the Mental Health Foundation of NZ has these resources for printing as well.
I want to share an anecdote that relates to this part of your blog "What we say to ourselves is really important. The brain is amazing and works really hard to make what we think and feel become real so if we call ourselves 'dumb' or 'stupid' then the brain will look for ways to reinforce that. I figure that our brain is just trying to make us feel that we are right. And the more we say something the harder the brain will work to make it true. So it stands to reason that breaking the habit of negative self talk and replacing it with a new positive self talk habit is a good idea"
ReplyDeleteA couple of years ago, I was visiting my nephews; then 6 and 8. The morning had been spent on a biking trip. After some serious "bike kicking, tears and exclamations of I can't," nephew of 6 finally had some limited success and was happy enough to throw the towel in, believing he had made some progress (which he had). Later that afternoon I had an enthusiastic audience of two as we were chatting about the brain, how it works etc etc. We decided to jump onto youtube and see what else we could find. As luck would have it, the first visuals and words that came onto the screen were along the lines of "If we keep telling ourselves we can't do something, then our brain will make those connections and if it hears them often enough, we will reinforce that idea (all in kids speak). Well, both 6 and 8 year old nephew, got it straight away in relation to the "biking experience" of the morning and some classic conversations followed where the 6 year old talked about how he had to say I can ride a bike so he could make those brain connections.
Skip forward to a year later on another visit. 6 year old nephew can now ride the bike but is still learning how to handle trail riding. As the day progresses, he is faced with a hill to ride up. Very quickly he's off the bike having a "tanty" of the kicking/throwing the bike kind and complaining about how hard it is etc. Eventually he is enticed up the hill but only "pushing" the bike. He enjoys the downhill, learns some new skills and all is forgotten. The next day he is back on a trail he struggled with the day before and is finding it easier as his skills improve. He pipes up "Aunty Carmen, I've just made 4 new brain connections (after he's successfully ridden 4 things he couldn't the day before). I congratulate him and tell him we can make them even stronger by doing them again and again which he is in full agreement on cos he's so excited by his success. I then mention though that I'm a bit concerned he has made a connection for pushing his bike up hills though instead of riding them. That's ok, he says, "I'll just kick those ones out and gestures him kicking them out of his brain.
Another year on, and the conversations go along these lines. I'm going to make some new brain connections today by ............... Both nephews like to call me and tell me about their new "brain connections" when they learn something new or they relate their goals back to me in terms of the brain connections they want to develop.
Too cute and what a cool way to relate developing brain connections to self belief from as young as 6!! They get it!!
What a fantastic story Carmen and what a great tool you have given to those nephews of yours. Not only is it goal setting and brain connections, they are learning the value of perseverance and practice and so much more... and it wasn't a taxing life lesson either. Thanks so much for sharing and well done to your fab nephews for putting it all together too. :)
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