Happy, healthy, resilient people do it better

In my last post I talked about the importance of having a wellbeing perspective in the front of our minds when teaching others. I talked about happy, healthy, resilient people learning better. 
As I was writing it I kept thinking that this doesn't only apply to teaching and learning, in fact I think it applies to so many different settings it is kind of a good mantra for life really. 

How we feel influences how we think which then influences how we act. Happy healthy people make better decisions, they have the brain space to think more clearly and therefore respond more thoughtfully. Their sense of esteem is higher and generally speaking I think when we are happier, healthier and more resilient we feel more competent and confident.   

Happy, healthy, resilient people work better 
The wellbeing of those we work with is important. I genuinely believe that part of my role as a leader is to be aware of what is happening for the people I work with because I am then in a better position to support and empower them to do the best job they can in the circumstances. Feeling like you are doing a good job and that what you do is important and valued is a helpful part of building self esteem which contributes to a greater sense of wellbeing which in turn creates better outcomes at work. If our people are able to perform well then our whole organisation succeeds so it makes business sense to encourage wellbeing in the team as well as the obvious moral obligation.
As a leader of a geographically diverse team it meant that communication was key. I read and re-read messages before I sent them out to ensure that as much as possible I was avoiding mixed messages or increasing anxiety or stress, to be fair I didn't always get it right but I tried. Listening to what people said about themselves and others, listening out for anything that was a bit out of character and following up in some way was vital. I guess it came down to knowing my team, staying aware and being available as well as encouraging networks where possible to provide support. 

Happy, healthy, resilient people play better
If you are involved in a team or social group of any description then this is a useful thought to keep in mind. Recently in our little township we went through quite an upheaval when a major employer in the district downsized significantly. This had an impact on our small group of volunteer parents at our local playcentre, and remaining mindful about that was vital in keeping things moving along and our children continuing to have a great time learning in a positive social environment. In order to do this checking in with people helped. Asking every so often asking how people were getting on and if they were OK helped, but listening helped most. It is great that we have a community of parents who ensured that people were supported and had someone to talk to. 
If everyone on the team is working to support the others then all can be at their best, it goes back to what a theatrical director of mine used to say (in fact she still does) that if everyone on stage is working to make everyone else look great then we will have a great performance. This is relates so beautifully to any team. 

Happy, healthy, resilient people behave better 
I have a three year old and he is amazing (of course I am biased). One of the things that makes him amazing is that when things are out of balance he will let me know, often it is behavioural rather than verbally stated. For example, when I have been on the computer for too long he will climb on my knee, pushing the laptop away and grab my face telling me to look at him. Now, at that time I have a choice, I can give him a little of what he needs to get back in balance or push him away. Pushing him away does not solve my problem nor does it resolve his. I am not advocating giving in to every whim of our children, they need to learn to delay gratification and being able to wait for something they want is important, but it's about being aware and connecting so we can help them learn to manage their own needs. This sometimes means putting down the computer for five minutes and having a tickle time before resuming work. 
This does not only relate to children. If we are out of balance and our needs are going unmet even as adults we may act out. Potentially we act out in more subtle ways but it still impacts on our relationships. In the workplace we may find that people start gossiping, holding back information, undermining others, becoming aggressive or withdrawn, avoiding responsibility, missing deadlines, becoming unwell and the list goes on. Not really productive behaviours. At home we may see some of the same things, and again they won't help make a happy home. I am not suggesting that we need to instigate a tickle time policy for the workplace (although it could make it a whole lot more fun) but encouraging that instead of reacting to the behaviour of others first exploring why that behaviour is occuring. As someone once said 'all behaviour is communication'. 

Happy, healthy, resilient people lead better 
I know as leaders (at work, in social or community groups, in our homes) we need to be mindful of the needs of those around us but we also need to be aware of our own levels of health, happiness and resilience. Seeking support and guidance is not weakness, it is a key tool to build positive resilience. Taking a measure of your own wellbeing regularly will help you recognise when things are getting out of balance so you can act early rather than fall into a downward spiral of stress-overload, unnecessary mistakes, time mismangement and increasing dismay. 
As followers, supporters, colleagues of leaders we also need to be mindful of where they are at as well. We want our leaders to be as well and strong as they can be, not in an aggressive manner, but in those skills that can make them a positive influence on our workplaces, community/social groups and homes. Often as a leader people don't ask you how you are, you are expected to be on form and if you are not then assumptions are made that may not be fair or reasonable. I go back to what I said earlier about all behaviour being communication... these leaders in our lives are people too and to have the opportunity to be able to be human and still respected really does make a difference. 

At the end of the day I guess this all boils down to communication and relationships. 
Forming positive relationships with those around you supports that sense of wellbeing. What makes individuals feel happy and healthy and resilient will differ, we are all unique after all, so being able to support those around you appropriately is key (or at least making an attempt to!) 
How we communicate is just as important as what we say, sometimes more so. Some people just need someone to listen to them, others want advice, some just want peace and quiet whist others may want to get out and about and do something new. Stephen Covey in his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People talks about communicating with loved ones and suggests that if we listen, empathise, appreciate and affirm then that will help. There are many ways to communicate, just be aware that the message you are sending is not always the message that is received so it is best to tune in to others, be mindful and truly connect. 

Why teaching and learning through health and wellbeing makes sense

I am going back to my roots today. I am a teacher, although the term educator is probably more apt, and I have also specialised in the health and wellbeing field for a number of years. It is from this place that a lot of what I have been writing about this year comes from.

Health and wellbeing are essential for learning. Having respectful relationships, managing ourselves and so much more... if we want more pleasant people in our communities it might pay to check that their needs are being met first!

WHO has the following definition "Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity." For me this means that it is vital to address health within any teaching and learning situation, it is about social justice and providing opportunities for all to develop to their fullest potential. 

However it would seem that this isn't always as highly valued in the discourse about education, at least in the media. Perhaps it is because the outcomes that we seek are not easily measured or reported in quantifiable terms, to see the results we need to look at the whole person and how they develop over time and in different settings. Perhaps it is because those big outcomes we look for are things that need a multifaceted approach, not just what happens in school hours, our learning in health is happening all the time. If we think about health concerns like obesity, bullying and behavioural issues we are looking at a radical change and that doesn't happen overnight or at the end of a two week unit before we move into the next thing. Health and wellbeing of our learners are a concern for the whole community, not just the school, but when looking at teaching and learning I advocate for health as an important curriculum subject and even moreso for wellbeing as a lens through which we teach (I know that we are all passionate about various subject areas and a literacy teacher may well advocate that literacy should be the lens but please read on...) so it is present in our thinking throughout our planning, delivery and evaluation processes.

Happy, healthy, resilient people learn better 

Like many folk I believe that happy, healthy, resilient people learn better and having a wellbeing lens in place will support us to help our learners improve these aspects.


Firstly, if our basic needs are not being met then our brains are not operating to their full potential. It is said that what is needed for a healthy body is also needed for a healthy brain and if you think about it that largely makes good sense. If we are underfed or poorly fed then our brain is not getting the fuel it needs to help build the neurotransmitters required. Sleep, among other needs, is also part of the recipe for neurotransmitter production. Serotonin and dopamine are essential for emotional regulation and memory, both useful in learning, so if we do not have enough of these we are on the back foot.
When we feel unsafe we often work from a hypervigilant perspective, on alert looking out for potential threats, therefore less able to access those higher functions for deep learning and securing memory.
So addressing basic needs in teaching and learning environments as much as we are able (and I know this is hugely challenging in some areas) then the better prepared the brain is for learning.

Emotional intelligence and self awareness are essential for managing ourselves and developing positive relationships with others. When we are able to identify and name our feelings we are better able to cope with them so we can then move on or get support. It means we will not expend energy and thinking time unnecessarily allowing us the opportunity to focus on the learning at hand. Having healthy ways to cope with negative emotions and stress is one tool which contributes to positive resilience.

I have been reading Dan Siegel's book, Brainstorm and another thing that a health and wellbeing focus provides our young learners with are skills to support prefrontal integration. Developing healthy patterns of behaviour like mindfulness help us navigate through the potential risks of adolescence and encourage the ability to focus on individual tasks.

We are preparing our children for an uncertain future... we do not really know what they will face or what skills they will need but it is likely that interpersonal skills, coping with change, being aware of one's own thinking (metacognition), managing ourselves and critical literacy (questioning what we are being told through varied media) will all be vital going forward. With a wellbeing mindset we can ensure that these things are being catered for within our teaching and learning programmes.

Some implications 

The list above is not an exhaustive list, there are many possible benefits for learning if we adopt a health and wellbeing lens. As you will see in the diagrams used happy, healthy and resilient behaviours and qualities are interdependent and interrelated.

As teachers we need to have mental headspace and time to ask ourselves, or the learners themselves, some of the following questions:

• "what is happening right now for this individual?"
• "what is the most important need for them?" 
• "what can I do to help/support this person so they are better able to learn?"

We need awareness so we can support and guide those who need it.

It may be that their basic needs are not being addressed fully, perhaps there is something going on at home that is really distressing. As teachers (in any setting) we cannot control the external environment our learners come from however if we have an understanding we may be able to provide support to bolster aspects of wellbeing that will enable them to get more from the learning opportunity than they would if we did nothing.
If there is something we can do to improve outcomes and opportunities then in the interest of social justice we need to be able to do it.

None of what I am saying is necessarily easy. Nor is it confined to teaching and learning in schools. We have learners in tertiary institutions, we have learners in the workplace, we may have people who are studying in our home (like our children for example), we may belong to a community group where people are engaged in learning... in all these settings and more, supporting these learners through the lens of wellbeing will help them to get more out of the learning opportunities they are presented with.

As stated earlier, there is good reason to support the wellbeing of our learners, and I believe long term it may help make our communities healthier, happier, stronger places for us to live. 

Five Life Lessons from my Father

There have been lots of mentions of dads online and on LinkedIn today I saw the title of an article "lessons I have learned from my Dad" which sparked some thoughts for me.

This is my Dad, he passed away four years ago from oesophageal cancer. I miss him hugely and I guess I always will. Dad wasn't perfect, but he didn't pretend to be either. He had a great sense of humour and shared it liberally. He had a lot of love to give and worked hard to give us the life we had. I know I am lucky to have had the time I did with my Dad. Even though he is not here he is never far from my mind. Here are some of the lessons I have taken from him:

If it is broke, fix it... or at least have a go! 
Dad came from a generation of can-do kind of people. He turned his hand to all sorts of home handyman tasks and because of that we were self sufficient in a lot of ways. He had an amazing veggie garden, redecorated our homes, ensured our houses were well maintained and he even made his own cheese at one stage.

When something broke down, Dad would have a go at fixing it or ask a neighbour/friend if they were more skilled. I remember our toaster disappeared to one of our clever neighbours for a good wee while at one stage. Dad kept a small supply of broken reading glasses, he had a terrible habit of sitting on them and breaking them! This meant that he was able to do running repairs as yet another pair got damaged!
He didn't throw away things, or people, if they were broken... he valued the relationships he had with others and worked to keep them alive.

I really respect the do-it-yourself attitude, and where I can I do my best, like when my husband and I did up our kitchen from recycled materials mostly. Unfortunately I don't have the skills that Dad had as yet. This year we will start planting veggies again. I wish I knew the recipe for Dad's special fertiliser that he mixed up every year for the best tasting tomatoes ever. Note to anyone out there who still has a special person with special skills, work with them and learn from them while you can!

Everyone has a story to tell, if you listen 
I remember going for drives and Dad would stop to get petrol and start talking to the attendant there. As the car was filling with the fumes of the petrol station Dad would be happily chatting away to this complete stranger like they were an old friend, all the while I was wishing he would hurry up! Dad could strike up a conversation with just about anyone and people seemed comfortable around him and would chat away happily.

This is something that I use a lot of the time and despite my misery as a child at the petrol station it is a gift that I truly appreciate now. I have heard fascinating stories of people's lives, and made interesting connections. The world is full of interesting people, who become more interesting because someone listened to them. I have even made good friends from a random conversation so I thoroughly recommend having a go at striking up a conversation with someone new this week.

Learn to love the people you care about the way they need to be loved 
Dad did have a gift and I didn't really appreciate it until he passed away. He worked out how we needed to be loved and gave us what he could. I was lucky in the fact that no matter how bad things got I knew I could always go to Dad and he would do what he could to help me get through the stuff that was blocking me... sometimes just knowing that helped me get through! He would sometimes give me a hug, sometimes he would get me laughing at myself or the situation, other times he would listen while I ranted and raved until I had talked myself out, and on occasion he would tell me to pull my head in.

There is a wonderful lady called Allison Mooney (if you ever get a chance to hear her speak, grab it!) who talks about personality preferences and suggests that we treat people the way they want to be treated as opposed to the way we want to be treated. It is an interesting suggestion but can make the difference, I know it made a difference for me.

If you are able to help someone then help them 
Dad was often helping others. When his friends were ill he would do things around their homes that they were no longer able to do. He would give away veggies. With one young family who had moved into our town, Dad got chatting to them and ended up helping them set up with household items like kitchen appliances etc. If he had something spare and someone else had a need then he had no issues with giving it away even if we didn't always agree.

We all have skills and there are numerous opportunities for us to use them to help someone else. Think about what it is that you can do and ask yourself if that might be helpful for someone else. I have found this year that some of my management and leadership skills have been really useful with my volunteer work with our local playcentre for example.

Enjoy the life you have while you can
Do as much of what you love as you can (as long as it doesn't harm others I guess) while you can. Live as big a life as you can, don't wait too long for things to come to you and take some risks along the way.
Things weren't always easy in Dad's life but he maintained a sense of fun and humour. Sometimes I share the funny things he did or said with other people and so I guess he is still helping people see the lighter side of life?

I know I still get hung up on what is coming next or what I still have to do and every so often have regrets or hurts from the past that I allow to ruin the joy of a moment. There is so much joy to be had right here and right now... why would anyone in their right mind deny themselves it? Another gift my Dad left me is a greater sense of perspective. When things go wrong, as they sometimes do, I just have to ask myself "is this as bad as losing your dad?" and the answer to date is always a resounding "no!", it helps me cut through the drama and keep moving forward.

Change = living fully rather than merely existing?

It is said that the only constant in life is change and if you think about nature this rings true... everything changes. We have tides, seasons, rocks are ground down over time to become sand, water can become ice, all animals are born and age, and some things like our butterflies go through dramatic transformations in their life time.

So why do some of us attach such negativity to the concept of change? Well I think it is fear... fear of losing what we have, fear of uncomfortable feelings, fear of vulnerability and fear of the unknown. What are we allowing fear to hold us back from?

As I have already said change is part of life. This image represents that well. When there are ups and downs that is a good thing because it means that the heart is beating and the patient is alive. When there are no ups and downs then that is bad news because the heart is no longer beating.

If we avoid change to protect ourselves from feeling vulnerable and experiencing emotions like sadness, disappointment, fear or embarrassment then we are often denying ourselves the opportunity to feel truly joyful, and also to feel a fulfilled sense of calm and peacefulness. In that situation we are flatlining, we are not truly living, in some ways we are merely existing. God willing we have more ups than downs but I think we need to embrace them as part of a healthy, fulfilled life.

Life is meant to be lived and lived boldly. If you embrace change, how might that turn out for you? Could we have fear? Absolutely. Might things go wrong? Probably, at times. Will you have days where you wish you could just crawl into a corner and forget about the world and everything in it for a little while? I imagine so. Could you have opportunities to feel great joy? I'm pretty sure you will. Will you feel stronger, braver, more able to deal with what life throws at you? I would argue that seeing change as part of the lived experience enables us to cope better when things go wrong, it is for me, an important part of my resiliency toolbox.

I sincerely believe our hearts have capacity for a huge amount of joy but often the fear of change sets in and we start catastrophising (is that a real word? I think so!), imagining ourselves losing the source of this feeling, questioning whether we deserve it or not, waiting for something to go wrong. I also think that often we go into the negative thought spiral out of habit, voices from our past experience that we have given brain space to and have made strong pathways in there come in to play. I think our brain does it to protect us from pain or disappointment but in reality what is happening is that we let the negativity of our past steal the joy of our present. And if we remain unaware it will continue to happen. This is where mindfulness can be a real asset.

I guess that mindfulness is kind of like knowing that we are living an internal journey in an external world rather than ignoring the internal world and being at the whim of the shifts and changes that happen in the external environment. Perhaps we embrace change by realising that the only really important changes are the ones that happen in our own minds?

Feeling genuine joy is a risk because something might go wrong but if we focus on what might go wrong (and might is an important word because we don't know it will for certain) then we feel a fraction of the joy we could have. The same applies for the peace, love, happiness in any given moment. If we can free ourselves from the chains of fear, embrace that life is full of change and wholeheartedly enjoy the good when we have it, fully in the moment, then we are so much more likely to enjoy this wonderful adventure called life!


Images sourced from:
Caterpillar quote: https://www.etsy.com/listing/73406580/just-when-the-caterpillar-thought-the
Heart Rate monitor: http://www.redflagnews.com/headlines/ponzi-101-obamacare-bailout-planned-for-insurance-companies
Joy quote: http://www.jessicalynette.com/tag/quotes/ 

Don't pack the concrete mixer!

We don't need a concrete mixer in our resilience toolbox. 

Lately I have been working on a presentation about resiliency that I will be giving next week and as I have been working I have been getting hooked up on the topic of 'hardening up'.  In fact I could nearly do a whole presentation about that small aspect in itself! So instead I'll put some of my thoughts down here...

A common analogy used when talking about resilience is that it is like having a toolbox. I like this analogy. The more tools we have the better prepared we are to cope with the pitfalls of life. Like a builder, we need to have our toolbox packed before we go to the job, we need to know how to use our tools before we go to the job and we need to ensure that they are in good working order before we go to the job, replacing what is broken as we go along. To be as resilient as possible in difficult times we need to practice the behaviours that support our sense of well-being in our good times.

When considering the tools to carry we need to ensure we only pack those things that will support us in times of stress and, because of this, I strongly suggest we don't pack a concrete mixer... for one reason it's incredibly heavy to carry. For another reason, I see it as a tool that contributes to hardening up which seems to me to create more problems.

I am not sure what it is like in other countries but in New Zealand it feels like there is a strong culture of 'hardening up'. When we 'harden up' we suppress our vulnerability, our emotions get pushed down every time they feel uncomfortable. Sometimes we are taught to 'harden up' when we are young, when we cry or become distressed. This is meant to help us become strong and resilient, but I think it does the opposite in the long run. It also teaches the young person that exhibiting their emotions and working through them makes other people uncomfortable too.

What I think happens when we continually 'harden up' is that we learn how to not cope effectively with our uncomfortable emotions which can lead to developing negative coping strategies such as blaming others, drug or alcohol abuse, self harm, violence and unnecessary risk taking. We feel weak asking for help so don't, even though we may very well need it. "Hardening up" can also diminish the emotional range an individual feels. Instead of experiencing a full range of emotions, from what I have seen, the range can reduce to a spectrum of anger and happiness. When scared or worried or sad this is expressed as anger, otherwise these hardened up folk seem happy enough but genuine joy can become elusive. I also believe for some people this limits their ability to empathise with others and so affects their interpersonal relationships.

It is a tough way to live because all those other emotions are sitting there underneath broiling away and sometimes it takes just a little pitfall for them to bubble over, like a volcano where the pressure has become too much. The fall out can be devastating for the individual and the people around them. In some cases I believe that this contributes to mental health issues, domestic violence, violent crime, suicide, addiction, divorce... you get the picture.

We can be better than this though, and I think that a start is to stop 'hardening up' our kids. I am no expert but I figure we can help our kids develop their emotional intelligence in various ways, such as:
1. be a positive role model- let them see you working through your emotions in positive ways
2. help them learn the language of feelings/emotions- if we can name what we are feeling then we can start working on ways to work through the feeling... and the more broad our emotional vocabulary the more able we are to narrow the focus on how to resolve it appropriately if it is one of those uncomfortable feelings that we don't like
3. help them identify strategies that work for them- when they are losing it, and who doesn't from time to time, we can present our kids with options such as I can see you are feeling frustrated, would you like to go and do something else for a few minutes or do you want to sit here with me? As we present them with different options they will start to learn what works for them and we can support their use of positive appropriate strategies as they learn and grow
4. accept that our kids will sometimes feel crabby- most of us feel crabby from time to time so rather than telling them our kids shouldn't feel like that (who needs to feel guilty for feeling what you are really feeling eh?) perhaps we could help them identify the feeling and acknowledge it. (I know that this isn't always easy, like in the middle of the supermarket!)
5. talk about feelings- when we are watching a movie or reading a book with our children, talk to them about the characters feelings and what they might do etc. Just where relevant of course, don't destroy the joy of the moment by over-analysing things though!

These are just some small ideas about an issue that I think is really important. I know that some of them are easier to say than do and that there are days that with the best will in the world we just don't handle things the way we'd like... it's OK because we are human. If we make a mistake then we can apologise, that is what we would expect from our kids after all, and then we move forward from there. If we need help we can ask for it, for what it's worth I think that asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness.

There is a whole lot of reading material online if you are interested. Maggie Dent, Daniel Goleman and Brainwave Trust are all good places/people to look at for more information about resilience and emotional intelligence especially for our little people :)

Image from: http://ghost32writer.com/?tag=maximizer-concrete