Sing your song

A few days ago Maya Angelou passed away, leaving behind pearls of wisdom that for me connect to the soul of humanity, that encourage us to be the best versions of ourselves as individuals, communities, human beings. It feels odd that someone who I have never met and know so little about has made such an impact on me, but she has, and I believe will continue to. She was passionate about education and not just that of the four walls of a classroom. Like the gorgeous Robyn Moore, she was passionate about people living big lives, not hiding their light but sharing it widely.

I believe we are all born with songs inside us waiting for the opportunity to let the music pour out. When you watch our little children playing and exploring their world they do it with absolute commitment to the moment, the only thing they have to do is to discover what they need to in that moment. They are born as mindful beings and too often we crush that unwittingly through our own sense of urgency, slavishness to the clock and to-do lists. Sir Ken Robinson would argue that often our children's light is dampened through our education systems. This is not saying that teachers are not doing a fabulous job, in fact I believe that most are committed to doing their absolute best for our children, but the systems many of us work in seem to be counter intuitive to helping our learners discover their songs.

Through our young lives where we get told to be quiet, follow the rules, do as you are told, do your best, change is hard, different is wrong, meet the criteria of a narrow curriculum, fit in, be nice all the time, succeed at school... it is little wonder that the sound of our songs can get drowned out.

As adults we then get nobbled with responsibility, we have to grow up, work towards a narrow concept of success... more expectations! With all these expectations, those we place on ourselves as well as those placed on us by others, where is there space for our songs to be heard?

Well the good news is we are not slaves to the clock, we do have choices. Yes we have responsibility but we do have choices. Sometimes things go wrong and we feel hopeless but even then we do have choices. Yes there are expectations, but again we still have choices. 

We own that space between our ears, we do have choices. 

One of the things we can do is just slow it down, especially when everything seems to be flying so fast around us. We can breathe. Oxygen is vital for brain function so a deep breath may help calm our thinking, allow us to notice and respond rather than simply react to what is happening around us. A while ago I read somewhere about a simple technique to calm ourselves down just through mindful breathing and I find it works for me, it's called the 7/11 technique. Basically you breathe in slowly and deeply for the count of seven and then breathe out for the count of eleven. The first time I did this I nearly expired on the breath out which demonstrates how shallowly I was breathing! So don't worry if you don't make it to eleven the first time, there are no expectations here. As you are breathing slowly and deeply, in and out, you concentrate on the breath and the counting. There is no need to do it for hours, just a couple of times now and then in a day helps me cope and I guess feel centered again.   

The more quiet we create between our ears the more we will be able to hear our own songs. The more spaces we create in our days the easier it will be for those around us to sing theirs. 

Further reading from this blog:
Follow your Bliss
You are not Atlas
Filling up tanks 
Self Leadership

Background image sourced from: 

http://byelke.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/yellow-singing-bird.jpg

Four gifts from five generations

One of my previous posts was focused on modern teenagers and technology whilst drawing some parallels between generations as well. Moving on from that I figured that this was an opportunity to put some thoughts down on paper about strengths of generational age groups as we go forward in the technological age that we are living in.
We all have something to offer and for each of us it is important that we embrace the strengths of our own and other age groups. The five very general age groups I am looking at are: preschoolers, primary (elementary) aged children, teenagers/adolescents, adults and senior citizens.
These are some ideas to start a conversation about what each generation can offer and they come from my experience. I am writing from the perspective of an adult, a mother and a teacher... you may see it very differently and that is fantastic, please feel free to share your thoughts so we can learn from each other.

Preschoolers
I know being a mother of a preschooler I am reminded daily of how incredible the world is. When we go for a walk, we stop to marvel at tiny flowers or tall buildings, we don't rush. I will never forget watching my little boy learning to roll over, his determination through repeated failed attempts and his satisfaction when he mastered the skill just blew me away. When I feel like I am overwhelmed by all that needs to be done I find that he helps me to focus on what is important (usually him!) and reminds me of what being mindful is really about.

Strengths of our Preschoolers:

• they are born into this age, it is the only world they know so the adults in their lives can give them the confidence to explore and learn alongside them as they discover the wonders of their world
• they can show us about learning through failure and persistence
• they can teach us about living in the moment 
• they are one of the best representations of hope 

Primary (Elementary) School Children
I am a primary teacher by trade and have spent a lot of my adult life focused on the needs of this age group. As a general rule they are motivated learners. They come into our classrooms and want to please, they want to do well and we need to create risk-positive environments where mistakes are celebrated attempts on the way to success not just wrong or plain failures. There is opportunity to reinforce the values held by our communities. These children are more than capable of taking on responsibility and thrive from being trusted.

Strengths of  our Primary (Elementary) School Children:

• adults in their lives can walk alongside them, offering guidance to them and learning from them
• they are open to learning and we have the opportunity to reinforce positive/healthy mindsets  
• they have a strong sense of fairness so can help adults in their life stay true to their values  
• they have the potential to take positive action for their communities, especially when supported and trusted by adults in their lives 

Teenagers/Adolescents
As I spoke about in a previous post, this age group has enormous potential for impacting on our world. They have energy, enthusiasm and with encouragement can be incredibly creative. They are going through huge change (not only physiologically) and the support from positive friends, role models and adults in their lives can have a great impact on how well they negotiate all the changes they are faced with. They need to know that they have people in their corner whilst at the same time taking responsibility for their actions- positive and negative. They have a tendency to expand the possible potential benefits of a course of action and minimise the negative so need to have relationships with people who can help them unpack their choices and make more thoughtful decisions about the stuff that matters.

Strengths of our Teenagers/Adolescents:

• they are able to engage with the world in a whole variety of ways 
• they more likely to be daring, to take risks, and it is up to the adults and peers in their lives to help channel this enthusiasm towards healthy/responsible risks  
• they see the world in really interesting ways- adults can learn so much from them if they are able to bridge the gap through respect and genuine interest
• they have an innate desire to belong, creating and valuing opportunities to connect with others is important 

Adults
Adults are leaders within our nuclear families, our communities, and in the workforce (as a general rule). They can enable growth and change or block it, they can empower by responding positively to the needs of our children and youth. In our schools the adults are usually the decision makers and have the opportunity to be lead learners. Adults have an enormous responsibility to walk the talk and live their values, not only because it is the right thing to do but also because you never know who is watching and learning from what you do.

Strengths of our Adults:

• they can share important values by living them, they can create an environment of acceptance for our young and old 
• they are aware of the shifts and changes happening in our world and can help support others as they learn to cope with change 
• they are in a great position to offer guidance to our young people to help them navigate their world 
• they are often leaders of families and communities so are in a prime position to ensure that the voices of our youth and elders are heard 

Senior Citizens
In some western cultures, like in New Zealand, I don't think we always honour the gifts that our senior citizens offer us. Some of our elders have seen the best and worst of humanity over our recent history, they have seen enormous change, they know the stories of our past... they can teach us so much about where we come from so we can relate that to where we might be going. They are able to teach us about the values that are important to our communities.

Strengths of our Senior Citizens:

• they have wisdom to share (so do our children) 
• they have seen change and turmoil, they have a valuable perspective 
• they can help us uphold important community/cultural values 
• they can mentor our young by embracing their energy and enthusiasm and demonstrating a willingness to keep on learning 

Communication: always doing it but can we improve it?

We all communicate, even when we deliberately disconnect from communicating we are sending out a message!

You would think if it is something we do all the time we would get really good at it and eliminate problems that occur through poor communication practices. However, it just doesn't seem that easy.
We communicate in many different ways: 

• what we say- the words 
• how we say it- our tone, our body language 
• our attitude and behaviour 
• how we portray ourselves 

And it is suggested that the what we say may have less impact than other communication channels, how crazy is that?!
There is a widely debated statistic that is shared stating that the words that we use carries 7% of the meaning of the message whilst the other 93% comes through tone and body language. Whilst I don't necessarily agree with the statistics (apparently Albert Mehrabian, the researcher, wasn't happy with how his research was reported or used either) it makes sense that communication is more than just the words we say.

Good communication for me centres on being clear about who you are talking to and knowing what you are wanting to achieve from having the communication.
Some questions you might want to consider asking yourself if you are communicating directly with a particular audience is:

• What's your message?
• What do you want to achieve from passing on this message?
• Are you informing, convincing, reprimanding, clarifying, trying to meet consensus or seeking help/support? 
• What is your relationship with the person/people?   
• Is your audience likely to be receptive?

The words we use: 
Despite what I will come back to shortly I do believe the words we use still communicates a huge amount. We need to think about what will make sense to the people we are speaking to and the purpose behind this communication when choosing our words.
The use of technical terms or jargon can be a real turn off. It can isolate people- the last thing you want to do is make people feel stupid. However sometimes it can bring people together, if it is a shared language. For example, have you ever been in a conversation where a group of teachers get together and start talking school stuff... some of it is unintelligible for non-teachers and if nothing else it can get a little boring but the teachers get it and it is hugely meaningful for them.

Tone: 
How we say what we say is hugely important too. Think about this question: Have you done your homework yet? Now the tone you use can be the start of a fight or a prompt to action or bring on a neutral response.
Where you put your emphasis makes a difference, have a go at saying the following emphasising the word in bold and ask if that impacts on the message that might be received:

• Have you done your homework yet?
• Have you done your homework yet?
• Have you done your homework yet?
• Have you done your homework yet?

Now think about the emotive tone. Try saying "Have you done your homework yet?" with the following emotive tones and again see if it impacts on how the message might be received:

• happy 
• angry 
• relaxed 
• frightened 
• frustrated 
• distracted

This links through to our attitude. If our mind is on something else when we walk into a meeting, perhaps we have a sick child at home and we are worried, or we have had an argument with a loved one at home, this may impact on our delivery. We may appear tense before we even say a word and when we do speak we may have that same tension in our voice despite how we want to come across. Taking a breath, shaking it out, being mindful and knowing yourself and what works to calm yourself down can help you to get some balance. If you know the people you are speaking to you may feel comfortable to explain your morning in some way before you start with the meeting.

Body Language: 
This links through to body language too- how we stand or sit, our facial expression and gestures can all convey meaning. It is suggested that people that are targeted by bullies are more likely to carry themselves passively, head down, shoulders hunched, like they are trying to be smaller... they look vulnerable. Imagine if we came into a conflict situation looking passive, our intent to state our case convincingly is already undermined before we utter a word. If we come into that meeting and we are edgy, clenching fists, shoulders tight, avoiding eye contact, appearing negative... then the people we are meeting with are likely to feel it. I know I do.
To get people alongside we need to be aware of our body language. Consider the statement from above "Have you done your homework yet?" and try saying it with the following stances:

• hands on hips 
• standing over someone who is sitting 
• sitting while the person we are talking to is standing 
• with a smile on your face 
• your palms down on your lap or a table 
• with/without eye contact 
• with your face in your hands 
• with arms folded 

Does how you use your body impact on the tone you use? I am thinking sometimes our body language can influence our tone despite our best intentions or perhaps that is just the perception... but then someone very wise once said 'perception is reality' so how we are perceived is really important when we have a message we want to get across.
If you are working with people who are hyper-vigilant, perhaps they are under a lot of stress (child in an unstable home, co-worker going through a divorce, student really struggling with academic pressure) then the way you come across in interactions can impact hugely on how much what you are saying sinks in. If you appear aggressive or threatening in any way then you may have already lost their focus as they slip into defensive modes to protect themselves. So it pays to run a little mental check over yourself to see if how you may come across is how you want to be perceived.

Other stuff: 
Stereotypes are handy devices used by cartoonists to help tell a story with minimal words. They can be a great storytelling device, they are used on TV all the time. However in real life they really bug me, that people still come to a whole lot of conclusions about a fellow human being before they meet them properly is unfair. It is too easy to short change genuine connection with prejudice, in fact it is lazy, unfortunately our brains are so busy having a constant stream of information coming in that sometimes it takes the easy option if we are not mindful.

I remember as a young teacher I used to wear knee high coloured stripy socks, mini skirts, knitted vests with little animals on them, pig tails and painted my nails with spots or stripes (well before it was cool).... sometimes all at the same time. Not exactly this week's best dressed candidate. I also used to get really frustrated when my colleagues didn't take me seriously, however, I guess it looked like I didn't take things seriously either and so assumptions were made and I had to live with that or work through it. It was a lesson learned and over the years I have learned to adapt my dress depending on my audience but it does irk me a little at times.

It upsets me hugely however when I see parents being judged negatively by teachers just because of how they look or what they wear but worse still is when we judge children by how they look... that little boy with the snotty nose, grubby jersey and smelly socks gets a hard enough time from the other children I am guessing, he deserves a chance from us. As a reliever I don't know these children and their family backgrounds, all I know is that each of them has a right to be valued as a unique human being with gifts, dreams and something to offer. And the ironic thing is that when we judge someone based on how they look we often convey that before they speak so they are already on the back foot and in some cases already defensive because they have seen that look before. It becomes a bit of a vicious circle.

Good Communication 
Mindfulness is key for me when I think about good communication. All parties are present and aware of their internal dialogue, they are checking their biases.
They are listening for meaning, with an intent to understand. This is not about looking for holes so we can leap in and undermine, it is about learning what the other person is saying and then presenting our perspective if necessary.
Good communication is a two way process, we are sending and we are receiving. When I am presenting, I might be doing a whole lot of the talking but I receive a whole lot of feedback throughout my presentation that impacts on what I say and how I say it.

It is funny when I am writing these blogs because I read them aloud to make sure they make sense to me (well as much as possible), but when I speak I use tone and gestures, I do find it hard to keep my hands still. And then when I publish I do so knowing that there is a chunk of what I am hoping will be conveyed that is left to chance because those who read it may not 'hear' it as I do. I imagine that this is a risk that all writers take and why editors or critical friends are so important in the literary process.

I guess a lot of what I have said here is concerned with interpersonal communication as opposed to written only. Regardless good communication is an artform and is dependent on so many variables. I would say that if you feel authentic in your communication then you will be operating from a good place for a start.

If you were to write a list about what good communication looks like or feels like what would your top three indicators be?

Technology, learning and adolescence... a bridge across the digital divide

When you hear about digital natives, digital citizens and the skills needed for the 21st century do you already feel a little outmoded? I know sometimes I do. The world our digitally aware children are living in is incredibly diverse compared to my own childhood and even more so that of my parents. They can be talking, playing or collaborating with their peers all over the world whereas my direct connection with the world outside New Zealand was through family and pen-pals. If they want to know something they can usually find out the discrete piece of information in minutes (sometimes seconds), I had to ask people and search in the library or look out for it on TV, so I really had to want to know something to invest that time and energy into finding out. They can practice another language through watching TV from another country, they can learn to play guitar from YouTube. I learnt languages through classes and using cassette tapes (quite technological at the time), guitar from classes, friends and a chord guide I bought. It is a vast, exciting world we have open to us now and many of us are like immigrants to the digital world where our children are natives who scientists tell us are even operating differently to us neurologically. 

Ian Jukes, a highly motivated educator and advocate for our digital natives, shared a few gems with us at the 4Es education conference earlier this month. One of the gems was a link to Gary's Social Media Count, the numbers shared are enough to make your head spin. For example in the 24 hours prior to writing this text:

• there have been 2 700 150 000 likes on Facebook 
• there have been 142 568 hours (new video) uploaded to YouTube
• there have been 456 692 570 searches on Google (I know I made a couple as I researched for this blog) 
• 4 998 518 pictures uploaded to Instagram
• 8 333 743 games have been started on Facebook 
• 833 806 Apple IOS devices sold 
• 1 499 123 Android phones activated 

Impressive and a little bewildering. To be honest, I sometimes struggle to remember life before a cell phone and the internet but in reality they are relatively recent tools of modern life and looking at the stats, WOW, things are changing fast. I am sure that our parents and their parents before them shook their heads in wonder at what the young people were up to in their time too however... the crazy music they were listening to, the fact that they seemed oblivious to good sense and doing things like they should. It is said that there was concern when the lewd foreign dance, the waltz, was first introduced in Britain. And you may have heard something like this in the past? 

"What is happening to our young people? They disrespect their elders, they disobey their parents. They ignore the law. They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions. Their morals are decaying. What is to become of them?" 

Actually you might have heard something like this yesterday! It is actually attributed to either Socrates or Plato, depending on what you read. Regardless, it indicates a sameness to the issue of us older folk feeling a little out of touch from the youth of the day, and I find it comforting when I feel like I am lagging behind because for the life of me I just don't get Instagram at all.

There is a theory to help explain this and again it gives me comfort. I am just reading Daniel J. Siegel's book, Brainstorm. It is about the power and the purpose of the teenage brain and I love the positive perspective he shares. He talks about four key neurological changes that occur in adolescence:

Emotional spark- that we feel things bigger and stronger when we are teens 
Social engagement- the power of our peers who are fellow travelers through adolescence 
Novelty- the drive to seek out and create new experiences, sensations and challenges 
Creative explorations- seeing the world through different lenses 


As Siegel states these attributes give our teens incredible power to change the world and positively too. Just think about Jack Andraka, a teen who has created a pancreatic cancer screening tool that has the potential to save lives of many cancer patients through early detection. He was fourteen at the time that he came up with an idea, and he pursued it, writing to scientists to get buy in and support. He had the energy and perseverance to work on the project. He was willing to make mistakes and to learn what he needed to in order to see the project through. What other potential solutions to world problems are sitting there inside the heads of other teens around the world I wonder? 

The beauty of now for our young people is they have access to so much more information and resources than we did in the past. They are able to be better informed about the issues of the day and those predicted for our future. If we harness the positive attributes of adolescence and respect these differences, even attempt to start understanding their world (I don't kid myself that I will ever fully understand it, I am a visitor not a resident of adolescence now, as it rightly should be) then we can all be part of a brighter future.   

I remember when I was teaching and nearly two decades ago our big debate was around whether to let our primary (elementary) students have access to the internet. There was so much fear about it... what if they go somewhere they shouldn't? What if they see pornography? What if they are exposed to people who may harm them? What if...? Now it has become an essential classroom teaching tool for many. Not so many years ago, cell phones were being confiscated, some teachers had a drawer where students would put their mobile device in as they came to school and it was locked until they collected it at the end of the school day. Now we have schools embracing BYOD (Bring Your Own Device) and increasing bandwidth (and other things I don't pretend to understand) so that there is uninterrupted access to the internet. Flipped classrooms, embracing the anytime, anywhere learning (which I firmly believe learning should always be) are becoming a greater reality. 

Is this scary? In some ways, yes it could be. Is technology and the internet the solution to all society's ills? Certainly not. Even the very clever Jack Andraka couldn't do what he did without seeking support from other experts, engaging with people one to one, having relationships with people who cared about him like his parents, physically working with materials and tools and undoubtedly talking and debating his ideas to gain greater clarity and direction... none of which necessarily required a computer. I hope he had some down time to enjoy his sport with his friends as well. It is about balance. 

The internet and digital devices are tools, just like the slate and chalk and the abacus have been tools. We still need to learn about relating to others, about working co-operatively, about being part of a community (a global community even), about becoming caretakers of our planet, about tending to our own bodies needs and being mindful of the needs of others. Developing respect for diversity and an openness to learning is essential going forward. We desperately need experiences that challenge our thinking and teach us how to unlearn and relearn so our children are better able to cope with change as they face an even more uncertain future than we do. 

The New Zealand Curriculum (2007) has what I think is a brilliant goal for all learners- that they become confident, connected, actively involved, life long learners. I know that this is what I want for our children. And that won't happen if we tether everything we do to a mobile device or a screen, it won't happen if we try to stop our young people from embracing the best of the digital world they have access too either.  

There is a beauty in achieving a balance. In all things actually. And to finish I thought I would share this little clip mostly because it demonstrates that technology used as a tool by confident, connected human beings can be truly beautiful but also because I found it enchanting to watch and I have also just learned how to embed a YouTube video into my blog... see always learning :)  

Some other reading materials if you are interested: 

Digital learning and natives: 

Fluency 21- Fluencies for 21st century learners- https://fluency21.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/201965037-Introduction-to-the-21st-Century-Fluencies 

Ian Jukes- speaking about Digital Natives-  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMznVTGd5yY 

Ian Jukes and Lee Crocket- Understanding the Digital Generation (a pdf summary) file:///C:/Users/Megan/Downloads/UDG_Perspective.pdf 

Teaching and Learning: 

New Zealand Curriculum 2007- http://nzcurriculum.tki.org.nz/The-New-Zealand-Curriculum

Sir Ken Robinson- Changing Education Paradigms- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U 

Flipped classroom- Pros and Cons- http://www.edutopia.org/blog/flipped-classroom-pro-and-con-mary-beth-hertz; http://www.teachthought.com/trends/10-pros-cons-flipped-classroom/ 

A word or two about bullying...

You may have seen this clip recently, I know I have had it come up on my Facebook feeds several times over the last couple of days. If you haven't seen Bars and Melody with their anti-bullying rap from Britain's Got Talent then I do recommend it, and also it might help to have some tissues handy when you do watch it. It's a powerful clip that speaks to the torment and angst experienced by victims of bullying and so I am throwing in my two cents about the topic as well.

What is it? 

To make it clear, from my perspective, bullying is not some big guy punching a little guy, that is violence and even if the guys were the same size it's still not my idea of good conflict resolution... in fact with adults that is called assault and is a crime in my country. The way I have learned to define bullying is that it involves the following:

• repeated or ongoing
• deliberate act(s) 
• to have power over someone 

It is not an accidental shove in the corridor or an unkind word spoken in a moment of haste. It is deliberate and designed to disempower someone else, and it is more like a campaign than a one off act of violence. It also has the power to diminish the victims, paralyse the onlookers... indeed it can become like a playground version of terrorism. So from my perspective, bullying is not just kids being kids. 

Bullying is not always physical violence either, it covers a range of behaviours designed to alienate and disempower the bullied including:

• name calling
• threatening 
• following 
• excluding 
• stealing possessions 
• spreading rumours 
• hate mail (texts, emails, social media etc) 

And the saddest thing of all is that bullying isn't confined to the playground... it isn't something we only see in children and young people. It can happen in the workplace, in community/social groups and in some homes. It even happens online, where people are victimised in social networking conversations. How on earth can we expect our children to hold higher expectations for themselves than we as adults are prepared to demonstrate?

Imagine what this sort of thing does to the victims' self esteem and self image. What impact might this have on their brain?

The Brain and Bullying: 

When something happens regularly or when we practice a behaviour or thinking pattern, it creates a strong pathway in the brain, the more we travel that pathway the stronger it gets (it's called Hebb's Rule or Law if you are interested in finding out more). It's like learning to drive a car, initially we struggle with steering, gear changes, braking or acceleration and watching where we are going all at the same time but over time much of the mechanics becomes automatic, that is because we have laid a pathway (or several) that we have then strengthened through repetition.

Imagine if the pathways that were made strong were ones that said 'you are worthless', 'you are ugly',  'nobody wants to be your friend', 'you are dumb', 'why do you even try, you'll only screw it up', 'I hate you, everyone hates you'. Even when you had left school the pathways remain and may replay with the slightest provocation depending on what else we have going on for us. What impact could that have in relationships and social situations?

For the bullies as well, the pathways strengthened may be those that tell them 'power over others makes me feel good and strong', 'I can only feel good when I am putting someone else down', 'I am worthy when I am powerful', 'I am not really a very nice person so this is the only way I can have friends', 'no-one likes me'. Can't imagine they'll be exceptionally effective voices to act on as we move into the workplace and more intimate relationships either.

So what can we do? 

That is the million dollar question. I would love to see a kinder place for us all where diversity was celebrated and differences acknowledged not feared or ridiculed. To take a quote from a colleague of mine, it is where we accept people as 'not wrong just different'.

If someone is being bullied they need support, they need to hear other voices so they can change those tracks or create alternative pathways. It won't stop it hurting, but it does lend some strength. If you see someone who looks vulnerable then please help them in whatever way you can... a smile can help someone feel just that little bit connected to something positive even if they don't show it straight away.

If we are being bullied then self care becomes paramount. This is where our resilience toolkit is helpful, and provided we have a good stock of tools first it will be a great asset... unfortunately those targeted do not always have a lot of options, hence they become targets in the first place. Can you fill it whilst you are going through a hard time? I am sure you can but I know it isn't easy. The more help you have the better and if there is no-one around that you can talk to or connect with then there are internet and phone line support networks available.
Always remember you need to be your own best friend and give yourself the love and care you really do deserve. Simple things like having a warm shower or a bath, eating some fruit and veg (rather than chocolate and chips), going for a walk or a run or doing star jumps in your house if that is safer, doing something kind for someone else, finding an interest and pursuing it, reading positive stories, listening to positive music (my favourite at the moment is Pharrell's Happy song... I know it is a bit obvious but hey it works) and try to get some decent sleep. Meditation is a great tool to help develop a mindful way of being. All these things help you to feel stronger inside even when you are hurting.

If you are a bully or a bystander then it is time to stand up, look in the mirror and ask yourself if this is really how you want to be? Ask if this is being the best version of yourself you can be? It isn't too late to change and again if you need help or support there are online and phone helplines that can help you.

This may seem a trite way to deal with a serious problem. It's not intended to be so and these are only a couple of small suggestions for a start. We all need to acknowledge that if this is happening in our communities we have a responsibility to act- it is not just the school's problem. It is not just the victim and the bullies problem either. It is not easy to stand up and be counted but just remember it is harder to feel like you don't count at all.

What other possible solutions do you suggest for bullying? Who do you think is best placed to create solutions and change this behaviour? Have you seen it happening as an adult? Does this seem like reruns of childhood bullying or is it a more sophisticated approach? How can we contribute to creating safer, bully free environments?

Do you think you are better than everyone else? A short story.

When I was at primary school there was an incident that has stayed with me for a long time, just over 30 years in fact. It shows the power of the spoken word and the power of those in positions of power to influence the people they work with.

I was one of those kids that loved learning, heck I still do, and I was always looking to stretch myself, again I still do. One day when I must've been about 11 years old, I had completed some work earlier than my classmates, I had checked it and then waited in line to ask my teacher if I could please have some more work. The response from my teacher was less than supportive, in fact the response was a loud (enough to silence the rest of my classmates) "so you think you are better than everyone else?" I was horrified. That was not what I meant at all, I just wanted some more work to keep myself busy and tried to explain that in a quiet voice but to no avail. I didn't get any more work, all I got was humiliated and shamed. Obviously this has not scarred me for life in terms of my love of learning but it is a refrain that from time to time has popped up when I am vulnerable.

So you think you are better than everyone else? What does a comment like that imply? Well to me it said, don't excel. Beware the tall poppy. You are not as good as you think you are. It also said I can't be bothered dealing with you as an individual, be like everyone else. Be smaller. Be quiet. Suppress your needs. Be good but not too good, work hard but not too hard unless you are working hard to fit in. For goodness sake don't be you!

I have been really blessed to have pursued the career of my choice, to have met amazing people, to have learned from them and I have had opportunities to take on roles that I never thought I was capable of. I have had great champions in my life. However sometimes when I have had a chance to step up and do something new or take on a leadership role or step into a challenging situation where I have to stand up for something I believe in, there is that little voice that goes "so you think you are better than everyone else?" And then that voice, if it gets a hold, follows up with "what if they see that you are really not that good?" A classic case of imposter syndrome! Has this stopped me following my dreams? Not really, but I believe it has supported an overly well developed sense of self doubt which can be challenging to manage in times of weakness.

Why tell you this story? Simply because it illustrates the power we have to influence others through what we say and do. I am pretty sure that this particular teacher will have no recollection of this moment at all, it would just be another exchange in what would total millions over a teaching career I imagine. I am sure his intention was not to harm, just get me out of his face so he could work with the rest of the class, perhaps he was stressed. We all have times where we say something we shouldn't have, I know I have regrets about comments I have made in the past. Mindfulness and being in the moment should reduce the reactive comments and, if we do make a mistake, allow us the presence to apologise and make amends in a timely fashion.

The take home message for teachers (and anyone who lives or works with children and young people) is to be mindful of what you are saying, you have tremendous potential to impact on the lives of the young people you live or work with and you never know when there is a pivotal moment happening. Shaming is simply not a good way to manage behaviour. And the same message goes to the adults in the room, particularly those in positions of authority or power, remember that the words you use have potential to help or harm as well. There are a few specific incidents from my adult life that I recall where it almost felt as though I had gone back in time and again I am standing in that moment of shame in the classroom, "so you think you're better than everyone else?" I have reacted by trying to be smaller, stand out less and fit in with the group which is not the most proactive position to be in and has rendered me fairly ineffective in that moment.

Over time I have learned that I have the ultimate power as to whether that nasty little voice of self doubt and shame gets heard or not. Again, I am blessed to have had the opportunities to read and learn and reflect. I am also lucky to have other refrains from my life that counter that nasty voice, it is amazing which voice is the most easily heard in times of stress or strain though.

What are the refrains that you hear over again from your past? Do they help you or harm you? Which ones deserve a hearing and which ones need to be silenced or at least reduced to a faint whisper?

Our words can lift or lower, can hurt or heal, can empower or suppress, can create greatness or squash it... I hope today is a day of uplifting words, thoughts and deeds for you and the people you engage with. What an amazing difference it could make to the world if we all took on that challenge!

Five lessons for leaders from the classroom

I am a primary (elementary) teacher by trade and that I am passionate about education is no secret to anyone who knows me (or in some cases people who have just met me!) I am also passionate about leadership so here are five classroom teaching truths that I believe relate to leadership outside of the classroom.

1. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care (John C. Maxwell) 
Students don't really get impressed by their teachers incredible intellects or indepth understanding of a given topic until they know that their teacher cares about them and their learning. Teachers who work on connecting (not being a best friend but connecting) and getting to know their students a little usually find that teaching the subject content is a whole lot easier.
As a leader you can impress us with all your qualifications or even better all the statistics that show what a brilliant job you did in your last role but really if you want us to buy what you are selling then you need to show you care about the people that you work with. This means finding out about your team, what makes the individuals tick and who they are as a person. You do not have to be mates but establishing a connection does make a difference, it makes people feel worthy and develops a sense of belonging.

2. Catch them being good  
Have you ever witnessed small children sitting on the mat and the teacher turns to the class and says "I like the way Johnny is sitting nicely"? If you haven't then what tends to happen is Johnny sits just a little straighter and has a beaming smile because he has been noticed and acknowledged positively and the majority of the rest of the class sit a little bit straighter too. This is because we like to be acknowledged and when we know what success looks like we can emulate it.
The culture you create around acknowledgement can have a huge influence on the people that you work with. Find out what makes your people feel appreciated and then appreciate them. In my experience of leadership, being an employee and teaching, I have found that most people will work for a sincere thank you.
And beware of how you deal with it when things don't go right, sometimes you might look at excluding certain people to 'punish' them for letting the side down or not meeting expectations... the problem there is that when I am excluded I have no incentive to adhere to the norms of the group. It is like when a student is excluded, we have to be very mindful about reintegration to avoid them sabotaging our established culture.

3. We usually live up to the expectations people have of us 
There is a fair bit of research (refer to pygmallion effect for a starter) about teacher expectations and student achievement. In one study a group of students were divided in two classes, one teacher was told that their class were high achievers and the other teacher was told that their class were low achievers. As the time of the study progressed it became evident that the students results reflected the expectations of the teachers. There is some controversy with this research but further studies exploring this and self fulfilling prophecies support the general premise, and it makes sense.
If you expect your employees or colleagues to fail they will feel it, it will erode their self confidence and it is so much more likely that they will fail. If you expect your employees or colleagues to perform well, not only will they be invested in seeing that they do their best but so will you. You will notice how they are getting on, you will be more receptive to helping them and they will be more likely to come to you for support or advice.
In a classroom the teacher is aware of the curriculum and it is their role to help communicate these aims to the students in a way that is engaging and creates ownership. The same applies for leaders in organisations, you job is to communicate the aims and goals in a way that encourages your team to get on board and work to make it happen.

4. You create the climate
There is plenty of evidence to support that teachers are a defining factor in student success. When those children walk into our classroom we need to set aside our own grumpy moods and drama, we focus on their needs and treat them with respect. We ensure that they have the tools and resources they need to learn. We provide timely feedback and support. We work with our students to create a culture of acceptance, challenge, celebration and connection. A negative climate of blame and shame creates risk adverse learners who become nervous about making mistakes or disappointing their teacher.
As a leader you are a defining factor in the success of your employees or colleagues. The environment you create will dictate employee satisfaction and likely impact on outputs too. It is more than being seen to do the right things, that is showmanship. Authentic leadership means you will do the right things because they are right for your people, fit with your values and those of your organisation. Blame and shame creates a negative climate that strangles innovation and out of this world success or fantastic learning-laden failure. If you are having a bad day, that's OK because you are human too, just remember it is not everyone else's fault and if you do screw up, own up and apologise.

5. Your job is to give those who you work with wings to fly 
As a teacher my job is to do what I can to create opportunities for the students in my care to do great things. It is my role to help them identify their talents and gifts. It is my role to support them in their growth. I work to make sure they know I believe in them. I need to trust them and support them whilst letting them struggle and experience some failure as well as success. I help them set goals and support them on their path to achieving them. I am committed to helping my students develop a healthy growth mindset rather than a fixed one (see Carol Dwerk's research for more information on this)
Do you believe in your team members? How do you let them know that? What opportunities do you provide to your team members that allows them to stretch and discover their talents? Do you allow your team members the opportunity to explore and improve their skills and talents? Imagine what an impact this could have on a team.

I know this might sound idealistic, naive even, but I sincerely believe in people focused leadership inside and outside the classroom is the way forward. Leaders, or people of influence, come in all shapes and sizes and varying positions and roles so this may relate to some other aspects of our lives outside of organisational leadership as well.

Do you think sort of leadership could work in your workplace or community group? Have you seen examples of this in your experience?

What would you add to this list? I welcome any comments, suggestions or questions.

 

Be as big as you dare to be

Last weekend I attended a conference hosted by 4es education. There was a terrific mix of speakers and delegates, and I had a great time meeting a whole bunch of wonderful new people. One of the speakers was the fabulous Robyn Moore, a lady who inspired me hugely about 11 years ago and this weekend was just as inspirational, she started her presentation with the statement of 'be as big as you dare to be' and set me off thinking about the stories we tell ourselves.

We are given 86 400 seconds every day and we have a choice to participate in our own life or to be at the whim of the circumstances and people around us. By not making a choice you are still making a choice. This does not mean that you won't have bad times or even bad days. It is about being aware of who you are being in a given moment and asking yourself "is this who I want to be right now?"... sometimes the answer will be yes. Sometimes we will feel angry, cynical, disengaged and down, that's OK, they are normal feelings and these feelings serve a purpose, but we need to look at what is the cost if these become our default feelings and overshadow our joy, love, compassion, enthusiasm, engagement and wonder. The cost is physical, emotional and spiritual, it can rob us in our work life, home life and social life.

There is evidence that negative mindsets can impact on health and wellbeing. Our immune, endocrine and nervous systems are linked so a deficit in one influences the operation of the others. Considering that stress can be a result of long term negative emotions (or even short term depending on the stressors encountered) we can use it to illustrate this interconnectedness and impact on health. If we are out of balance emotionally it diminishes the supply of 'feel good' chemicals or neurotransmitters in our brain which has a flow on effect, as an example serotonin (one of those 'feel good' chemicals) helps to manage our sleep which we know helps improve our immunity. Reductions in our brain chemicals (neurotransmitters) also impacts on our hormone balance. Our hormones (like neurotransmitters in the brain) are messengers for the body so if they are out of balance that can impact on digestive function, respiratory function and immunity among others. If we are unable to gain the nutrition we need then our muscles are less effective, and essential nutrients required for building up the tanks of neurotransmitters in our brains are in shorter supply. Ah, what a vicious cycle we have created!

As a recovering stress nut I can attest to the physiological impact and even more so the emotional and spiritual fall out. We all have days when we don't feel so good but if we become stuck in the loop of 'my life sucks', 'why does this always happen to me?', 'nobody cares anyway', 'whatever!' and so forth then we create this vicious cycle... negative thought creates negative emotion, negative emotion creates negative behaviour leading to isolation, disconnection, disengagement, procrastination, fear and so much more.

The good news is... we do have a choice.

As I said earlier we can let our circumstances define us or we can can define ourselves. If we are having a tough day we can be angry, or we can be angry at the circumstance and grateful for our loving family that we are coming home to. Robyn Moore talks extensively about who we are being and the power we have to choose in that moment. Some of the statements I have chosen at times are: I am tired and grateful, I am weary and happy to be home, I am disappointed and loved by my friends and family, I am nervous and excited to have the opportunity, I am vulnerable and free... the power is in the and.

Dr Tom Mulholland is all about Healthy Thinking and as an emergency doctor he sees the impact of avoidable illness daily. His Healthy Thinking approach encourages us to notice when we are experiencing negative emotions and identify the thought or thoughts that sit in behind it. Once they are identified then we can analyse them and act accordingly. For example if you are feeling angry after a fraught meeting at work, the thought sitting in behind it may be 'no-one ever listens to me'. Now we analyse this thought by asking ourselves the following questions:

1. is it true?
2. is it worth it?
3. does it help me achieve my goal? 

If the answer to all three questions is a yes, then that thought is probably pretty accurate, so you work on alleviating or addressing the problem itself. However if there is a no response in the mix then we get to be the author and perhaps change the thought.
Using the example given, in response to the questions above:

1. no, it isn't really true because they did listen to me last week when I suggested another solution. Things are rarely all or nothing
2. not really, by saying this to myself it doesn't really make going to meetings more fun or fruitful
3. this doesn't help me achieve my goal of feeling like a valued contributing team member, I can probably prepare better next time and make sure I have the evidence to back up my suggestions instead which might help. 

So I am now empowered to change my original thought, I get to rewrite the words in my head, which affects my emotions and hopefully I will feel more competent and secure in the next meeting I attend. If I kept the original thought I can almost guarantee the next meeting would be another miserable experience. 

We cannot be as big as we dare to be when we let our negative thoughts get in the way and hijack our dreams.

We can be as big as we dare to be when we harness the incredible forces of our own minds... at the very least we might just get to enjoy some more of those 86 400 seconds we get every day.

The opportunity to experience more joy, laughter, peace, compassion, love and enthusiasm really is too good to let pass. Enjoy participating fully in your own life.